


Promises Made

by her_silhouette



Series: Promises Made/Debts Paid [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cliffhanger Endin, Drama, Family, Gen, Off-screen Deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_silhouette/pseuds/her_silhouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Karai gives out an ultimatum, Leonardo is willing to sacrifice everything for his family. As he prepares for the final battle and says his goodbyes, he forgets a crucial factor in his plan: don't underestimate a brother. A NaNoWriMo 2014 novel. Please heed the new warnings and tags.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Erase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo receives a correspondence that will change his and his family's future.

Prologue - Erase

 

“Those skilled at making the enemy move do so by creating a situation to which he must conform; they entice him with something he is certain to take, and with lures of ostensible profit they await him in strength.”   
― Sun Tzu,  _The Art of War_

-o-

Hamato Leonardo stared from his perch just on top of the water tower that was not far from Central Park. The hour was growing late. Dawn was starting show on the horizon, indicating it was time for normal people to start the day. This was not the case for Leonardo, and his brothers, instead it was time to go back underground, to fade away unseen by the “normal people” of Manhattan. After all, mutated turtles weren’t welcome in regular society, even the teenaged ninja variety.

There was a chill in the air. It would be the time when they would have to start preparing the lair for the winter. They were cold blooded reptilians, after all, with an aging rat as a father. They were all susceptible to the cold and would need to battle against what was promising to be a harsh winter.

Leo didn’t care about the seasonal cold at that moment, nor the soon to arrive Sun. He seemed to be completely oblivious to the physical world around him. There was an even colder frost starting to form in the pit of his stomach and his thoughts swirled around him. He clenched his fist, causing the paper to wrinkle a bit from the force of his hand. He unclenched quickly when he heard the letter threaten to tear, causing him to return from his spiritual visit. He carefully smoothed out the sheet and looked at the kanji written on it without taking in the meanings of the symbols, not that he needed to. He had read this missive five times over, having his insides become more troubled with each passing word.

He had found the letter, made out of a strong washi, while on the solo part of their patrol. He had made the executive decision to allow them to break up and give them solo assignments, for only one hour. The oldest brother usually preferred they pair up or continue as a group when going on their nightly patrol, but it had been quiet lately, and he felt they needed a little bit of time apart on the surface. It was a test to see how well they fared. If his brothers stayed on task and not get distracted by shiny objects (Donatello), get in an unneeded fight (Raphael), or just mucked around (Michelangelo), he would consider more solo runs for the ninja clan. The past few years had been rough, but he and his brothers had proven time and again that they have been able to handle whatever trials that their unconventional life threw at them.

The blue masked turtle had been on the last leg of his self-appointed task, the eastside docks that used to house weapons for the Purple Dragons which had been demolished beautifully by the combined force of Raph and Don. He wanted to make sure that the street gang, or some more nefarious force, hadn’t tried to rebuild what was a great port area for any waterway deliveries. He had been there under a minute when felt that he was no longer alone.

He tried to quickly scan the area, in order to identify who had caused his ninja senses to tingle, when he heard the air around him become displaced and he quickly ducked his head to the left, narrowly missing the shuriken that landed on the wooden pole just behind where his head was. He only took note of it for a second as he got himself in a defensive position and tried to track where the ninja star had come from. He was only able to catch a shadow on the roof two warehouses away before it disappeared and so did the omniscient presence he had felt before. The turtle tensely waited a few more minutes until he was sure that his attacker was gone before he allowed himself to move again. Even then, he had decided to investigate the area where the shuriken had come from and its surrounding rooftops before returning to where the weapon had been embedded into the wood.

It was a typical four point throwing star, but even half embedded he could see the Foot insignia etched into the flat part of the metal. He started to shake his head at it but then noticed that there was a grey paper stuck to the metal spike that was facing out. He wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before, but put that thought to the back of his head as he pulled the shuriken and the attached paper from the building and gave a closer look at the offending object.

It was an origami turtle, with one of the spikes of the ninja star pierced right through the middle of it. It gave the image of a turtle being skewered and it sent a chill through Leonardo’s spine. No doubt that was part of the message the Foot had wanted to send. He slowly lifted the origami shape from the star and opened it. The cold chill that had ran through his spine started to spread throughout his whole body. The kanji was distinct, he would recognize it anywhere.

Before, when the Utrom Oroku Saki was the Shredder, and Karai was not completely sold to his dishonorable plans, Leo and she had secretly exchanged letters and notes. Having been raised in the forced seclusion as they were, they were all desperate for a confidant outside of their little quirky family. April O’Neil’s intelligence and fiery nature had claimed Don’s attention, along with his scientific mutant equal, Leatherhead. Raph found a companion in the brash and destructiveness that is Casey Jones, and Mikey could find a friend in almost everyone who they met and were accepted by. But Leo was more introverted and wary of the outside world, even if he craved it.

Miyamoto Usagi, the Samurai rabbit, was as close of a best friend he could find. But he lived worlds away, and not always readily available when Leo had questions he could not pose to his family. Karai, though, was different. She understood the pressures of being their father’s successor. And her beliefs in bushido and honor were close to her own, even if she was on the opposite side of the same coin. With her, he felt he could say and do things he couldn’t with anyone else, and to have that sort of person in his life that he could count on in that way made the load he carried so much lighter.

And Leo couldn’t deny the romantic inklings he had stated to feel for her. Physically, she was an attractive person, very appealing to a hormonal teenager secluded from the rest of society. Her green eyes memorized him, and she was so hard, tough, yet so soft, like a steel butterfly. But it was her warrior nature that appealed to him the most, keeping him intrigued with every time they had spoken or exchanged letters. She had also felt the same battle he had between his honor and his family, and she was essentially his other half.

He had dreams, some were sweet, others slightly erotic, of them and future plans. And he had hopes, that one day she would see the truly evil nature of her father and she would join him, fight by his side and that they could make the strongest clan. That he would have someone he saw as an equal, and that the searing emptiness he felt every time his brothers ignored an order, or his father looked at him with disapproval, he would have someone to turn to, someone on his side.

But the katana-wielding ninja now knew those dreams, those ambitions, were false, when Karai chose to still fight with the Shredder even after she knew his plans to kill them, and then stabbed him in the shoulder with his own katana after he had saved her. Since then, Karai has proven that her sense of honor was tied securely with her imprisoned father, and not with her father’s enemy. She destroyed their lair, nearly killed his brothers, all in the name of vengeance. She took over control of the Foot and named herself the Shredder, and continued her father’s legacy.

So all those dreams, those hopes he had for Karai faded into a dull ache, something he looks back with regret rather than fondness. But it still happened, those times of perceived closeness, and he feels guilty for allowing himself to be tricked into thinking that there would be anything more than false promises and this deadly game of cat and mouse with her. He’s glad, in some ways, that the Foot had destroyed the lair. After Karai finally picked her side, Leo hid all of her letters in his room, buried out of his eyesight, but unable to bring himself to destroy them. When he returned home after his pilgrimage with the Ancient One, he found his room barely accessible. The spot where he had hid them completely blocked off from him and he did not even try to retrieve them. He had left them to crumble into dust as their friendship had become.

So, yes, he could recognize the writing style of the current Foot clan leader from their past communications but this brought him no comfort as the others had at one point in the past. The words were emotionless and cruel, intended to inflict the maximum amount of damage with as little keystrokes as she could muster.

It was a threat, and a promise, for horrible things to happen to his family if he did not comply with her demands. She would strike his family down, as she was so close to doing before, one by one until he was the last remaining member of his family. She would make sure that he wouldn’t be able to save them this time, that his grief would be as real as hers was, and that he would finally pay for his betrayal and lack of mercy that he had shown her father with his own life, and by the time she was done with him, he’d beg for it.

But if he wants to avoid this very real future for his brothers and his father, he would meet her, in a week’s time, at the Oroku Saki Tower at midnight to have a final battle between the two clans. It would be a battle to the death. No saves, no mercies. The winner would be claimed victor, and that would be the end of the war. If Leonardo dies honorably in battle, she would spare his family. The Foot would remain in New York, but she would not touch, nor allow any of her Foot ninjas to touch them. If Karai dies, the Foot are instructed to leave New York and never set foot in the United States again. They would choose a leader who wishes to keep the Oroku Saki enterprises in their home country of Japan. Either way, Leonardo’s family would finally know peace from the Oroku clan, and their blood feud would die with them.

But if Leonardo was a coward and refused to meet with her, his family would die. If he tried to be dishonorable and trick her, his family would die. Their deaths would not be swift, and she would not be merciful. If he tried to run, she would use every last cent to track him and his family down and make sure they feel the worst pain they have ever felt in their life.

She ended it by requesting that he remember his honor.  He owed it to her for taking her father away from her.

Leo was immensely grateful that he was alone when he received this letter. His brothers would have never let him read the letter alone, they would have wanted to know the contents of the letter. Even if he would somehow been able to keep them from reading it, he knew his facial expressions would have given everything away. He was a skilled ninja, he has stared death in the face without so much as blinking, but this… this obvious threat to his family, he couldn’t hide the fear and fury he felt at the ultimatum Karai gave him. The fear for his beloved family and their safety, and fury for his apparent lack of decision. She was giving him very little choice in this, setting all of the terms and forcing his hand. While he had been trained to have his back pressed closely against the proverbial wall, he absolutely detested the feeling.

His first instinct, as both leader and ultimate big brother, is to protect his family from the horrors he knew were out there. If he could take down all the evil forces on this world (and apparently many others) by himself, and spare his family the trials and tribulations they faced on a daily basis, he would do it, gladly.

He remembered when they were younger, and Raphael had started to speak unbelievably cruel and colorful language that had Splinter running for the soap, Leo would go to the nearest younger brother and placed his hands over their impressionable ears to help block out the nasty things their hot-headed brother would spew. Michelangelo was more receptive of Leo’s attempts, smiling pleasantly and cuddling against the hands that surrounded his head as Raph would rant on and on. Donatello, on the other hand, grew irritable every time Leo tried to grab his head. A small scuffle would ensue where Don would try to run away from his older brother’s mothering and Leo would continue his pursue because he knew that if his brainy brother was concentrated on him, he wasn’t listening to Raph’s foul mouth. They were slowly moving towards adulthood and becoming independent individuals, it was a losing battle to try and protect brothers who were capable to handle themselves. It didn’t mean he stopped trying.

Leo barely remembered coming back to their preselected meeting spot. He had been the first to arrive, unsurprisingly, and had stood in a daze, not really keeping his usual vigilant eye at his surroundings as he waited for his brothers to appear.  He was lucky enough that his ninja training allowed him to snap out of it quickly when his first brother arrived, and had the wits about him to grill Michelangelo on if he had any activity to report. The other two had arrived by the time their baby brother had finished exaggerating his report of what probably was an uneventful rooftop run and they had also claimed to have had a similar quiet patrol. Leo had scrutinized his three brothers silently, trying to determine if they had been lying but was only met with boredom and impatience. When he was asked how his had gone, he had hesitated, and then had declined to give an accurate account of his own solo run, instead said that he was releasing them from the rest of patrol and said he had some business to attend to.

This was met with jubilant answers from Raphael and Michelangelo, who both claimed to have prior engagements to attend to (Casey, in Raph’s case, and a new comic book for Mikey.) Only Don looked to have thought it was odd, giving the leader a questioning look. When Leo refused to verbally acknowledge the raised eyebrow, the genius unsurprisingly kept quiet. Don was always the least likely to pry into his brother’s lives, far too busy with the issues they purposely bring to him to borrow trouble.

This left him alone under the water tower pondering what should his next action be. As he sat for hours upon hours, staring at the quickly rising sun, no magical answer appeared to him. He would have likely sat there well after dawn arrived if his shellcell had not beeped right after sunrise, a text message from an impatient Raphael inquiring his whereabouts. He quickly sent out a text stating he would be home shortly and stood. He turned to look at the rising glowing orb for one more second before turning and disappearing into the fading shadows.  


	2. Chapter 1 - I Will Now Bow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo decides a plan of action to keep his family safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! This is an early present for you, an unbeta’d chapter. My poor beta is super busy so I will upload the beta’d version later with the next chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: It's been updated and edited!

Chapter 1 – I Will Not Bow

 

“Sic vis pacem para bellum - if you want peace, prepare for war.”   
― A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

-o-

The main part of the lair was unusually quiet that evening, with all of its occupants either out running errands or otherwise occupied. Raph and Donnie, he knew, were on a “trash run.” They hoped to pick up some good parts for the battleshell as back up from a going out of business auto shop. Leo was reluctant to let his brothers out of his sight, especially after recent developments, but he trusted Raph to watch Don and his own backs, and despite his misgivings, he still trusted Karai’s honor.  Michelangelo was in his room, still immersed in his new comics. He wouldn’t likely leave his sanctuary for a few more hours, when he finally committed each line of what Silver Sentry said in this new issue so he could repeat it verbatim to his family.

That left Sensei, who he knew, was meditating in his room after having come to the dojo earlier when Leo had it occupied. The blue-masked ninja had felt his father’s presence and backed away from his deep thoughts in anticipation of his father joining him, or in case his father had an inquiry of him. The aged ninja master just stood outside the dojo doors for a moment, and Leo felt the heavy gaze behind his closed eyelids before he moved back and closed the dojo door. Leo waited until he heard the footsteps disappear into his father’s room before he allow himself to breathe again.

His father was very astute, and Leonardo wondered if the heavy thoughts that invaded his meditation session would have brought his father to him. His father was uncanny in his ability to read his children that he was not entirely sure was only due to his mastery in ninjutsu. Some of it, he was sure, was because when had decided to adopt four newly mutated infant turtles, he had forged a bond with his underlings and his love and care all of these years has made him sensitive to their thoughts and feelings. Of course, Leo had no way to know for sure if this was the case, but it sure made him feel better about his father’s sometimes annoying habit of always knowing when his sons were causing or planning mischief. This did not bode well for him at the moment because this meditation session was heavy with indecision about the ultimatum Karai had placed upon him. This dilemma in how best to keep his family’s safety and wellbeing was nothing new to him, but this was different than just strategizing how they could get out of a possible threat or how to get his family back safely from a mission. This mission required a sacrifice, whether it as his life or his family’s. Karai had given him time to think of the matter and that is all he had been able to do.

It was almost crueler, to give him so much to think and plan. If she had only given him a day, or better, just an hour, to meet with her demands, he would have done it in an instant with no hesitations or doubts to plague him. It would have given him no time for fears or tears, just a quick and simple decision. If he lived, he and his family would live the rest of their days in peace, at least from the Foot. He knew that they had other enemies to contend with, but the Foot had been their adversaries since even before their mutation. To have their largest threat diminished was something Leo strove for. And if he died… well, it would be quick and merciful, and his family would still be safe.

This extra time gave him a chance, a chance to take his family and run. A chance to plan and strategize. A chance to say goodbye. He knew what he needed to do with that one week. Of course, there would be some training, but his time with the Ancient One had taught him that the obsession with his physical training was what had gotten him into trouble before. He also saw no need to put in some extra studying. Karai had been an obsession of his at one point. At first, she was a potential ally and a possible love interest. Then she was a bitter enemy, who stabbed him in the figurative back rather than remove herself from her father’s side. There is nothing more that he could learn from the now crazed and obsessed woman who was determined to follow in her adopted father’s footsteps. No, his time would be mostly spent on those who were more worth of those precious seconds he had left. He would dedicated his remaining time to his family, to his perfectly imperfect brothers and his beloved father. He would give them a lifetime of memories in those six short days, and say goodbye. The questions was how was he supposed to do this without letting them know. There was no way he could let his family in on this. No way could he burden them with the responsibilities that Karai’s request has brought upon them. He knew they would not go along with this, would not let him sacrifice himself for their benefit. Don would want to plan, Mikey would want to be there with him, and Raph would want to go in his stead.

And Splinter… Splinter has and will always be an enigma to Leo, no matter how close they seemed and how he would try to emulate him. Sometimes, Leo knew what his father was thinking and he could either play off of it, or he knew how to counteract it to do what he thought would be beneficial to him or his family. The aged ninja master always had a trick up his sleeve, and was very capable in surprising his still learning sons. Would Splinter approve of his self-sacrifice, if it came to that, or would he have disapproved of the selfishness of his plan? Splinter as very honorable, but sometimes Leo wondered at how far their father would go when his family was concerned.

“A Father’s Love,” Leo murmured.

He knew that it was selfish to do it this way, Raph would rage on how he was stupid and wanted to have the honor for his sacrifice to himself and did not care what they thought of it.

His family’s ire was something he could learn to live with. He’d rather they be mad, and be alive long enough for him to beg for forgiveness, than mourn at their graves. And if he didn’t return, well, he could only hope that his death would spur their forgiveness quicker, because he wouldn’t be available to plead his case.

He paused for a second, thinking of the sacrifices he planned on making in this attempt. It wouldn’t just be his life that was on the line, or his families’. It would also be their trust in him, their loyalty that would be tested and possibly broken for going behind their backs to do this, even if it were in their best interest. Perhaps even more so, because he knew his family would not be happy to not have a say in something that involves the entire family.

The mere thought of losing his family’s trust and confidence in him made his heart sink heavier into his chest. He prided himself in his dependability to his family and it would be something he would sorely miss if he got out of this crazy scheme alive. Just like their forgiveness, it was something he was very willing to work for if… when, he came back.

So after many hours of meditation, and he finally felt he had a game plan set, he had emerged from the dojo and had been greeted to the oppressively quiet lair that he was currently occupying. His skin was itching, uncomfortable without his family surrounding him at that moment. It was a familiar feeling, something he had felt since his youth and he finally understood the dangers his family faced for being the freaks of nature that they were, that there were personal vendettas that would plague them due to his Master’s past that would affect the way they would live their life. Some days, he missed the smaller lair purely because of the closeness they had experienced. There was hardly enough space for all of them, but it was easier to keep track of all of his siblings and his father. He even missed the dog pile he and his brothers would form when it came to bedtime. There was a certain comfort to being able to be lulled to sleep by the breaths of the body next to him.

As Leo was reminiscing about their past, the front door of the lair opened and one of Leo’s absent brothers made an appearance. Leo straightened himself on the couch and looked over at his red-masked brother, who was carrying a large box of motor parts under his arm looking decisively oily from his dumpster dive.

“Hey, how did it go?” Leo inquired, his eyes moving to the empty space behind Raphael, frowning a little at the lack of genius ninja turtle following behind him.

Raph gave a grunt as he set the box none too gently upon the ground and turned to look over at his brother. “Like I’m neva’ goin’ ta get the smell ‘a motor oil outta my skin, but at least we enough stuff ta keep up wit’ the repairs for the next few years.” Finally noticing the look on Leo’s face, he gave a side grin. “The Brain’s in the garage wit’ the rest ‘a the stuff, sortin’ through it. I’d give ‘im a minute though, if ya wantin’ ta bug him. He’s ‘decompressing.’”

Leo raised an eyebrow. That was their keyword for when Donatello was in a bad mood. “But I thought you said your trip was successful?”

“It was,” Raph stated as he grabbed some baby wipes that Don kept all over the lair for sanitary reasons and plopped himself on the coffee table, mindful not to get motor oil on their newish sofa. They had been only been in their newest lair for only a few months and were trying to preserve the newness of their belongings, as much as four rambunctious teenage ninjas could. “Nah, he was in a funk before we even started. Which reminds me, he was lookin’ for ya earlier.”

Leo fought his instinct to tense up, trying to appear relaxed and merely inquisitive. He was just being paranoid because of this heavy secret that has started to settle on his shoulders. There was no way Don could have already found out about Karai’s request. He distinctly remembered leaving the letter and the shuriken on his desk in his room, and if Don came looking for him, one of the first places he would look would be in his room. His brothers knew not to enter it when he wasn’t there, though, and this brother in particular would actually acquiesce to his privacy.

“Do you know what for?” Leo asked, feeling relief that his face appeared to be fully under his command and he knew his mask of mild curiosity was well in place.

“Said somethin’ about the east side security cameras, the ones ya installed two weeks ago,” said Raph, continuing to scrub vigorously on his arms. “Probably why he’s in a foul mood, come ta think of it. He wasn’t very talkative durin’ our dumpster dive.”

The eldest turtle gave a nod, and allowed a comfortable silence to fall upon them. This silence was much more welcome than the one that was there earlier, just by the mere presence of one of his brothers. It was nice, to hang with Raphael without an argument brewing. This peace was so rare between the two of them and Leo allowed himself the pleasure of letting it soak in. He knew he would need to talk to Raph, soon, to give him a proper goodbye but he was reluctant to break this moment of quiet companionship.

He would start tomorrow, he decided. He would get up and train as usual, being sure to hone in on the skills he thought he would need to battle Karai. Who should he start with? Should he start with his family? No, he reasoned, if he started so close to home, it would be harder to hide it from them once he started the goodbye process. He would start with April and Casey. They both had been busy with their personal lives as of late, especially since it had been quiet, and they rarely stop by the lair unannounced any more. Perhaps it would be better for him to start from the outside in. With a plan starting to form in his head, he finally allowed himself to really relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the Breaking Benjamin song.


	3. Chapter 2 - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The turtle leader has a heart-to-heart with his human friends over Chinese food and yellow brick roads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the extent of the romance in this fic. It’s mostly one-sided, and only talked about. This is not a romantic fic, and none of the drama is even based off of it. The problems between Leo and Karai, I feel, are much deeper than a missed chance at love. Her father tried to kill them repeatedly, Leo helped put her father away, Karai literally stabbed him, etc.

Chapter 2 – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

 

“Friends are the family you choose.”   
― Jess C. Scott,  _The Other Side of Life_

-o-

The next night, when evening had finally settled in the sky, Leonardo headed out to April’s place. Knowing that Casey sometimes likes to drop by April’s apartment after work, he figured would be able to catch them together. If Casey never showed up, he would try to stop by his little studio before heading back to the lair. It was just hitting seven thirty by the time he knocked on April’s window, hoping she decided to keep her regular weekday hours at the shop. He thought it would be prudent to surprise his human friends rather than to try to answer awkward questions over the phone on why he had decided to drop by. He was in luck, because just a minute after he knocked on her window, the redhead was walking to the window with a look of surprise.

“Leo!” She exclaimed, opening the window with a smile. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Leo gave her shy grin. “I thought I’d drop by to say ‘Hi.’ I know you guys had been busy so I thought I’d treat you to some Chinese.”

April stepped back to let him and looked down at his empty hands. “Did you?” She sounded both confused and amused, but before Leo could answer, a knock resounded at her door and a Mandarin-accented voice called out through the wood claiming to be delivery. She turned to the door then back to Leo, who had already disappeared from sight.

“Great timing,” she stated and headed to the door, grabbing her purse. Not surprising, the money needed to pay for both the meal and the tip was magically at the top and she gave the kid the cash and accepted the food, thanking him as she closed the door. When she turned back to the living room, she was greeted with Leo having already made himself at home on her sofa, giving her a sheepish grin. He remembered a time when he would ask permission to even sit on the couch, but it had been April’s welcoming nature and insistence had basically beat that out of him.

“I called ahead,” he stated unnecessarily and she could only laugh. She had to be used to their quirky nature by now, and Leo was comforted in that. It made being here easier, despite his purpose.   

“So,” April said, setting up their food up on the coffee table, smiling at the sweet and sour chicken Leo remembered to order for her. “What brings you over, besides the Chinese?”

Leo thanked April as she handed him his Mongolian Beef, broke apart some chop sticks, and started to rub them together to rid them of splinters. He was quiet while he did this, trying to see how he could start what was surely going to be a heavy conversation.

“Can’t a turtle bring two of his best friends a meal every now and then?” He tried to joke, feeling his nerves settle lightly in his voice, and he eternally winced. Yeah, that won’t ring any alarms, Fearless.

April gave him a gentle smile, indicating she wasn’t buying his excuse for a minute, but she didn’t seem to want to pry. He gave a sigh, though, because if he wanted this to go as planned, he needed to give her a reason. Otherwise she would feel the need to inquire further, from someone other than him.

“It’s just,” he started, trying to keep the nerves from escaping into his voice again. It would make his voice sound younger than he already was, and he wanted to be taken seriously. “Things have been quiet on our end, now that the mutagen outbreak has been fixed and the crime rate seems to be taking a dive along with the temperature. And you and Casey seem to be always busy with work, so we so rarely get to see you guys anymore, and…”

Leo paused at the pitting look in April’s eyes. He felt heat rise to his face, realizing he sounded like a needy teenager, which wasn’t his intentions at all. Before he could correct himself, April leaned over and patted his arm.

“I’m so sorry, Leo,” April said sadly, “I sometimes forget how young you guys are, with the way you are practically save the world every week. You guys must feel abandoned by us.”

Leo straightened his back, a look of horror flitted across his face before he could school himself. “What? No!” He said insistently, “We completely understand your responsibilities come first-“

“No, Leo,” April talked over him, a persistent look coming over her face, “you are our responsibilities, too. I know we haven’t been the best friends lately-“

“No!” Leo started, “No! I wasn’t to try to imply -“

Leo protest was suddenly silenced when she placed a hand on his mouth.

“Let me finish, Leonardo,” she quietly said, giving him a reassuring smile and he allowed himself to quiet down and she removed her hand. “I know that your world of forced isolation doesn’t allow you guys to have many friends, and we have been neglecting, unintentionally, our obligation to your friendship. Trust us, we would love to hang out more with you guys, and maybe soon, when work starts to die down, we’ll come over and hang out more often.” Her voice was warm and soft, both apologetic and promising, and without realizing it, Leo felt a little better. Leo waited a moment to let her words sink in before moving forward.

“Yeah…” he quietly admitted, “It does get a little lonely, when the people we are used to having around suddenly not around anymore, but we don’t blame you guys.” This wasn’t his intentions at all when starting this conversation, but perhaps this was the perfect cover to allow him to get out what he felt for them while he could. “You’re right, we are young. It’s just we are not used to having companions outside our family. It’s been great having you guys around, and with you guys suddenly busy, it just taking us a little time to get used to it. I do know we all miss you, especially Donnie. He’s-“

This time, Leo couldn’t stop the cringe from showing on his face as he stopped talking. His brainy brother’s crush on April was a not-so-secret thing, and he was sure April was well aware of it. He felt like a heel to even hinting at it up without his brother’s permission.

April’s smile never diminished, though it did seem a little sad around the edges. “Yeah,” her voice was impossibly soft, and a little bit wistful, as if she was talking about a lost forgotten dream, “I really miss hanging out with him, too. With all of you, really. But Donnie, he’s like a kindred soul.” She took a shaky breath and squared her shoulders, as if she were preparing for battle. “If things were different and Casey… well,” she gave a shake laugh, “As much of a bonehead he is, I love him and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”

Leo nodded. Casey Jones was a remarkable human being, with his brash nature and giving heart. Boy, did he love April. Still, the katana-wielding ninja’s loyalty would always lie with Don and a small part of him thought April a fool to pick Casey when she could have that gentle brother of his. It was her life, and he knew, despite Don’s feelings for her, he genuinely wanted her to be happy.

“It’s sad, though,” April started again, after a moment of reflection, “he deserves someone who will make him happy. You all do. You guys deserve the best. But who you are… the kind of life you live.” April had her face turned to the blank TV, but Leo saw her eyes were still looking at him sideways, “You guys deserve to be loved by people who won’t disappoint you.”

The terrapin froze. There was no need to guess who she was talking about. He guessed that his infatuation with the daughter of Oroku Saki was just as secret as Don’s was with April. Though, he was sure, nobody knew about their correspondences, and how close they almost came to each other. April was full out looking at him now, and the pitying look on her face was almost too much to bear. Leo gave her a smile that he was sure looked more like a grimace, and placed his rough, reptilian hand on her soft and warm one when she reached out.

“You have never disappointed Don, April. I can assure you of that.” Leo knew this to be true, even without consulting Don on the matter. “And as for me, well. I don’t think romantic companionship is just in the cards for me. With the way we live, and the dangers that we face on a daily basis, I don’t think I could ever ask someone to put themselves in danger for me. I feel bad enough that we’ve reigned in so much trouble for you and Case, but to bring someone in closer. I-“ Leo felt his throat close for a moment, remembering the feeling the helplessness he felt whenever Splinter talked about his master, Hamato Yoshi, and Tang Shen, and how horrible it would feel if it had been to see someone cut down because of who they were to someone. “I don’t think I could stomach it.”

That was one of the reasons he that had drawn him to Karai. She was no delicate flower, easily be felled by a jealous man’s sword. She knew how to defend herself and while Leo would have still been worried about her wellbeing, as he was with his very capable and very skilled father and brothers, he would rest a bit easier if he had a fellow combatant share his bed than someone who was not accustomed to the warrior way. Whatever love connection the two had shared, that sweetness had turned bitter with the part he had played in the exile of her father, and her very literal stabbing of him with his own sword. Leo gingerly reached his right hand and touched his left shoulder, internally wincing at the phantom pain that coursed through the appendage at the remembrance of that day. The scar had finally healed, and it was so barely noticeable that you had to know it was there. Leo, for once, was glad his carapace finally filled in the empty space Karai’s attack had left. Don explained that turtles will naturally heal their shells, but they had the added pleasure of being aided by their ever functional mutagen. In fact, Don had been worried when it appeared to have taken a longer time to heal over, but he surmised that the emotional stability of the injured party played a large part in the speed they healed. Leo had been in a very dark place right after the incident. His building negativity towards himself had probably slowed down the healing process, but once he started training with the Ancient One, it kicked back up again.

“That’s just sad, Leo,” April said, her eyes mirroring her voice and shined with unshed tears. “You’re still young, there is plenty of time for you to find somebody who you can spend the rest of your life with.” He knew she was trying to be comforting and he couldn’t begrudge her of that.  However, the thought of trying to find someone who make him feel like he had with Karai, made his insides ache in a way he was unfamiliar, and he tried to distances himself from those emotions.

“For some reason, I really doubt it, April.” There was a finality in his voice that caused his friend to tilt her head in confusion, but being so much like his intellectual brother, she did not say anything. “But I know that I want my brothers to have that chance, if they want it.”

April gave him a smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. He was sure she wanted to press him on his vow of loneliness when they heard keys jingle at the front door and it opening to reveal a disheveled Casey, coming back from his shift at the shop.

“Hey, Ape, I’m home!” the human male shouted, not noticing the two on the sofa until the door was closed and he had time to put down his duffle bag. When he did finally realize that they had company, he stopped in his tracks and gave a crooked grin. “Yo, Leo, what’s up?”

“Hi, Casey. I got you guys some Chinese food,” Leo said, gesturing to the small spread on the coffee table.

“Nice!” Casey exclaimed, rubbing his hands together before looking down at them. “Let me just wash up an’ I’ll join you guys.”

As Casey headed to the bedroom, Leonardo turned to April and raised a non-existent eyebrow at her. She grinned guiltily.

“We meant to tell you guys, but we never really had the time.” Her voice was quiet, careful not to have it carry to the back room. “He only moved in last week. We haven’t even had time to get the rest of his stuff from his studio.”

Leo’s been to Casey’s studio and could only think that there wasn’t much he could bring over, but he let that slide. He just gave a nod and let the matter drop for the moment. Which was lucky because Casey chose that time to reemerge in the living room and plopped down on the chair closest to April.

“Yo, thanks for the grub, Leo,” Casey said as he reached over for his shrimp mei fun and started eating it with the plastic fork that Leo had the aforethought to ask to be put in with the chop sticks. “I’m starvin’. It feels like I had ta fix like fifty mufflers today, I swear!”

Casey kept a running commentary on his day for a few minutes with his mouth full of Chinese as Leo tried to drink up how normal this seemed and allowed himself to relax in the monotonous of it all. The venting had lasted about fifteen minutes before Leo heard the vigilante start die off, and finish off his supper. Leo was just figuring out how to turn the conversation when his male companion did it for him.

“So,” Casey said, putting his food container back on the coffee table, and sat back in his chair again, obviously getting comfortable. “The mood was kinda heavy when I got here. What’s up wit’ that?”

April couldn’t help but giggle. “That very perspective of you, Mr. Jones,” she said with a winning smile, and Leo couldn’t help but agree with her. “We were talking about the possibilities of love.”

Casey Jones made a face that had Leo fight hard not to grin at. It was a mixture of disgust and humor, showing all the maturity of a thirteen-year-old. Expecting something juvenile come out of his raven-haired friend’s mouth, the turtle was taken aback when he turned to him and said, “What? Leo, don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that Karai chick!”

A groan escaped Leo’s mouth before he could suppress it. Obviously, he was nowhere near as subtle as he thought he was about his affections for the current Foot Clan leader if Casey had picked up on it.

April leaned over and gave a sharp swat at Casey’s arm, (“Ow, what?”) and turned back to Leo. “Don’t worry about him, he has the subtlety of a blunt ax.

Leo gave her a small smile. “It’s okay.” It wasn’t, not really, but he could pretend it was with the best of them.

April’s smile was sympathetic, but then turned serious again after a few moments. “Speaking of the Karai, the Foot has been very quiet lately.”

Leo watched his friends as Casey nodded and April gave a thoughtful look. He couldn’t help but think that this was the opening he was looking for and ran with it.

“Yeah, I’ve been noticing that, too. Our major scrimmages lately have been with mostly with drug dealers and small time criminals. Even the Purple Dragons seemed to have backed off.”

“Which as much as I like ta think that they’ve finally learned ‘deir lesson when it came ta crime,” Casey mused, “It’s almost too quiet, if ya know what I mean?”

Both Leo and April nodded, and Leo continued, hoping he could play off the ‘I’m just paranoid’ card well enough, “I can’t help but feel like they are planning something, and that it might happen sooner than we think.”

He allowed himself a pause, as if he were just contemplating what that ‘something’ was, “But if that does happen, I want to make sure we ready, especially you guys.”

“Ya mean,” Casey couldn’t help the grin that spread across his handsome face, “you want us ready to kick some Foot butt?”

Leo had to bite his lip. There were times Casey was just too much of a kindred spirit with his hotheaded brother. “No, actually,” his voice was almost deathly serious as he leaned slight forward to address them, “I want you guys to promise if things go south, you protect yourself.”

Karai’s vow of protection had only said his family, and while he had long since considered the two humans in front of him family, he couldn’t be sure Karai would have the same thought in mind.

“I want you guys safe. I want you guys to promises me, above all things, to stay safe, to leave New York if that happens.”

If their earlier conversation had been heavy, this one’s infinitely so. The normal protests that usually occurred with these kinds of talks (and sometimes it felt like they had them every few months) didn’t come. The couple shared a look with each other that Leo was not familiar with, but they quickly turned to back to him.

“Of course, Leo,” April said, and he recognized the tone in her voice to know that they think he’s just being paranoid and was trying to placate him. “We’ll be careful.”

There was pause, before she continued, “But why? Do know what’s going to happen?”

Okay, maybe they didn’t think him completely paranoid. It was difficult for him to lie, being the honorable turtle he was, and it was extremely difficult to do it to the person who he saw as a big sister, but Leo found it in himself to look into her worried green eyes and fib.

“If only,” he allowed a little chuckled that felt real, at least, and continued, “I would love to be able to see enough of the future to be able to plan accordingly. I’m just going to have to wing it like we usually do.”

Leo knew hit his mark when April’s brightened with an encouraging smile. “I’m sure you guys will pull through whatever is thrown at you. Look at what all of you’ve accomplished, and you’re what? Only seventeen?” Her grin turned cheeky. “Not bad for some youngin’s.”

“We not like normal teenagers, April,” Leo said, feeling his face grow hot with her compliments. “We’ve had to live our lives outside the norm.”

The smile turned genuine as she settled further back into the sofa, obviously showing comfort in the topic on hand. “That’s so very true, but still. You guys amaze me.”

Leo somehow couldn’t get his throat to open after that, and April took advantage of his touched silence. She reached out her foot and poked her boyfriend’s leg. “Casey, can you put in the movie? I want to start watching it soon before the food starts to put me in a coma.”

Casey grunted at having to get up, but he rose from his seat anyway and headed toward the entertainment center to grab a DVD case from the small collection they had to the right of the TV and placed the disk in the DVD player. It was the same one that Don had to fix twice times over since it had been purchased. Leo made to get up from his seat, thinking it was the perfect time to head out, but April reached out an arm and stopped his ascent.

“You should stay,” April claimed. “We’re watching one of my favorites, _The Wizard of Oz_.”

The teenager was intrigued. _The Wizard of Oz_ had been one of his favorites reads as a child, and while he had known there was a theatrical release of the novel, he had yet had the pleasure of watching it. He had told his family he would only be gone for an hour, at most, and it was coming very close to when he had to leave. Besides, he wanted to get some more practice in before heading to bed.

“I’m grateful for the offer, but I really should head back...”

There was a sternness in April’s green eyes that made him bite back the rest of his excuse.

“You fed us, the least we could do is provide you some quality entertainment.”

“I didn’t know dancin’ munchkins counted as quality,” Casey muttered, and it was clear to Leo who had actually picked the movie. April still had that no-nonsense look on her face and he just didn’t have the heart to say no to it, especially since he basically came here to say goodbye. He wanted to create memories, right? Allowing April to experience one of her favorite movie in the eyes of one of her young friends would probably make a good one. So Leo grinned and sat back. He sent out a quick text to Splinter and Raph, telling them he’s staying over to watch a movie, and set himself up to enjoy what he was sure a very pleasant film.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the Fall Out Boy song.


	4. Chapter 3 - Chasing Pavements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo wonders if his family is ready to handle the consequences of his decision, and extends his services to a brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story is more of a character piece than an action one. There will be a lot of Leo reflecting on himself and his family, including this chapter. 
> 
> Again, beta’d by the wonderful Kamerer220.

Chapter 3 – Chasing Pavements

 

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”   
― Frank Herbert,  _Dune_

-o-

Leonardo sloshed his way back to the lair later that night. _The Wizard of Oz_ had been much better than he had expected. While he wasn’t a fan of movie versions of beloved books, especially if they deviate from the original plot, this one he thought was excellent. And, as he expected, April watched him half the time, gaging his reactions to certain parts of the movie and seemed very pleased that he was enjoying it. Casey, on the other hand, seemed mostly amused throughout the whole thing, though he tried to keep a straight face for April’s sake. He had turned to April when they would start singing on screen, because she just couldn’t help herself and sang along. The amused look in his eye would disappear and Leo saw how much love the semi-barbaric man had for his friend. His eyes just lit up and he looked like he was the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world to have this amazing woman by his side, despite her off-key singing. Leo knew that the mesmerized look on Casey’s face, along with April’s happy-go-lucky grin when the munchkins started singing, was going to be etched into his brain forever. It was going to be his happy memory of them. His only hope was that if his life did flash before his eyes, that this was the memory he would want of them. When they were the happiest and when they were the safest.

When the movie had ended, Casey looked about dead on his feet, having been lulled into submission. He grunted his goodnight to Leo before trudging his way into the bedroom, no doubt already feeling at home in his apparent new digs. April had just smiled after her boyfriend, shaking her head slightly as she started picking up their mess off of the coffee table.  Leo aided in the cleanup, before heading out.

He hadn’t left without letting a few more words being spoken between the two of them.

“If you could, April,” he had said in parting, “I would appreciate you wouldn’t say anything to the guys about what I said about the Foot,” or love, or Karai, or Donnie’s crush, as a matter of fact. “I know I’m probably just being obsessive, I don’t want to worry them.”

April’s smile was sweet again and followed him to the window to lock it behind him. “Don’t worry, Leo. I doubt I’d get to see you guys any time soon, unfortunately. The shop’s been so busy.”

Leo grinned at her and exited the apartment into the cool night, but he turned to address her one more time, “Thank you, April. For the movie, and… the ear.”

“Of course, thanks for the food.” She smiled expectantly at him, and Leo wanted desperately to request more things from her, just to spend a little more time with her. He wanted her to promise to look after Casey, and make sure he didn’t get into any more trouble without him there. He wanted the both of them to look after his family if anything were to happen to him. He wanted Casey to look after Raphael, and to keep him from doing something stupid. He wanted, desperately, for her to be happy and find peace with his decision. He wanted so many things, and he knew he couldn’t express them in the allotted time he had left.

So Leonardo just smiled at her in return and finally turned away, heading home in that freezing October night.

He entered the sewers from the East side, very mindful of what was discussed yesterday about Don’s dark mood and the cameras that were in that area. He had done what Raphael had requested and hadn’t talk to Don the rest of the night, letting him vent out his anger in private as he always had done. His brother seemed a little off still this morning during practice and at breakfast, and disappeared for the rest of the day, but this was actually normal for his fellow introvert and so Leo left it be.  When Don was usually in a snit, he was quiet and the topic of the security cameras hadn’t come up, so Leo had no clue if they had been rectified or not.

Still, it couldn’t hurt to check them out anyway. It had been him who was in charge of that side, so it was only fitting that he be the one to fix it if able.

The east side sewer system, being closer to the harbor, was larger to allow a better flow of water in case of flooding, and so some of the tunnels seemed cavernous when walking around at night. It lacked the many twist and turns the west side had, nor the multiple levels towards the north, making it easier to navigate. Unfortunately, due to its large size, it sometimes required multiple cameras in the same area to cover all of the area. Don, the genius he was, had done wonders with the materials he had on hand and had created all of them to be able to rotate to help with this, but still, it was not impossible for someone to try to find a blind spot if they knew the condition of the cameras were faulty. He passed the first few ones without seeing anything amiss. Raph hadn’t been specific, perhaps because Don hadn’t been, about which one or ones were having trouble, so he wasn’t sure if he hadn’t already passed up the problematic one already. Upon approaching the fourth set of cameras, a trio set, he saw the one closest to him move towards him so he was directly in view of the lens. While he did not think it was a fluke, he purposely took a few more steps to be certain, and sure enough, the camera followed his movements. He knew that Don did not have the resources to make the cameras themselves motion detection, so that could only mean that they were being moved manually. He halted his steps and gave the camera a wave.

“Hey, Donnie,” he greeted, knowing that Don had allowed audio to stream through at least one of the cameras, though there was no speaker on this side to allow Don to communicate back to him. He was about to take a look at the camera’s wiring when he felt his shellcell beep, indicating he had a message.

Of course, there were always other ways to communicate.

_“1/2 mile down, 2 the left, 2 nd cam. Won’t move.”_

Leo gave a thumbs up at the camera and jogged the down the tunnel to the two cameras in that area. It took him only five minutes to get to the location, and an even shorter time to figure out what was wrong with the camera. One of the wires had come lose, whether Leo hadn’t plugged it in correctly the first time or it came loose during the install, he wasn’t sure. But it was a simple fix, even if his fingers were almost too fat to do it properly. It took longer to try to fit the wire back into its spot than it was to get there, but eventually, the nasty little bugger righted itself and snapped into place for him. While Leo was grateful for the security and the luxury of electronics and technology, he secretly detested it with a passion and sometimes longed for the days he could leave it all behind. Though, he grinned at the camera as it started moving the second he stepped back, he would probably miss readily made hot meals.

“Is everything in working order now?” Leo asked out loud, knowing Donnie was listening in. The camera moved up and down as if nodding, and Leo’s grin grew stronger. “Excellent.”

He wiped his hands, which had gotten a little dirty thanks to the dust that had already started to build up on the cameras, and took note of the time. It was nearing eleven o’clock, when all good little turtles should be getting to bed for early practice the next morning, but somehow the lone solitude of his room was not as appealing after spending some quality time with his friends. He knew that Don would most likely stay up for another two to three hours, and wondered if now wasn’t a good time to talk to him?

Leo moved away from the cameras, barely noticing how they still followed him down the tunnel as he took the most direct route home now that the problem had been solved. He took out his shellcell again and texted a quick inquiry.

_“Have any other projects you need help with tonight?”_

Don’s answer was quick and succinct.

_“No, Im good.”_

Leo paused in his walking. A mixture of disappointment and relief flooded him at a bigger degree than he had anticipated. The relief he understood. Don was a very perceptive individual, second only two Mikey in being able to read someone’s moods and motives. And while it’s late and he might be tired, but that meant Leo was too and he already felt he had been through the ringer with April. He didn’t want his brainy brother to catch him unawares and let his whole plan go up in smoke.   

The disappointment was the stronger of the two emotions, and that disappointment was mixed with worry. Don was usually welcoming when it comes to having helping hands and rarely turns them down, unless the project as extremely dangerous and the hands belong to someone named Michelangelo.

Half the stuff in their garage was made up of a mixture of Don’s brain power and Raph’s hard muscles. Michelangelo, being the gamer he was, would sometimes help Don with coding for all of their electronics. While Leo wasn’t the most tech savvy turtle in the lair, and didn’t like getting dirty as much as Raph does, he helped in his own way. He was the ideal brother to bounce ideas off of and he helps with schematics of future projects. He also had the patience to handle chemicals, unlike his two other brothers.

There was a time when they were younger that Don would do most of the work on his own. It’s not like he complained about it. Tinkering was his favorite hobby, aside from learning everything under the sun, and he still got his chores done and made it to practice. His projects still took a lot of time and effort, and around the time they were fourteen, Don started to appear tired and haggard with the demands that everyone, included himself, put upon him. He would skip meals and go without sleeping for days at a time before Splinter put a stop to it. They had learned then that if they had wanted to get Don to bed at a more reasonable hour and start getting the nourishment he needed instead of just a forgotten sandwich brought to him in the middle of a brainstorming session, they had to pitch a hand in with his projects. Because, unlike Leo’s love of calligraphy, Raph’s busting heads, and Mikey’s video games, Don’s hobbies ends up benefiting them all in the long run. To have Don start pushing them out of his projects now started worrying Leo. It made him feel the doubts that were always so close to the surface since he had made his final decision about accepting Karai’s request.

As he continued to splash through the wet tunnels that led through to his home, he continued to question his choices in this matter. Of course he was going to have some doubts in his plans. Despite his nickname, “Fearless,” Leo feared a lot of things. He just had an uncanny ability to hide them from those around him. One of the things that had made him a good leader is that he has the ability to see the pros and cons of each decision he makes and was able to make snap decisions when he needed too. Raph had the tendency to jump into things without follow through, Mikey was too reliant on the actions of others, and Don could quickly come up with a plan, but slow to act upon them.

What he was planning on doing, to potentially sacrifice himself for his family would have unforeseeable consequences, he knew. He couldn’t predict every outcome that would come from this, but it wasn’t the unanticipated variables that scared him the most. It’s the ones he could see easily happening. His father falling into despair at the loss of a son. His brothers disbanding, unable to cope without him as a leader.  Karai not keeping her word… Those thoughts caused Leonardo’s doubts to rise up and almost choke him with fear. Was his family ready to take the responsibilities he’s had to shoulder since he was thirteen, and Splinter had named him leader? Leo knew in his bones that each of his brothers had it in them to be a leader, but if anything should happen to him, he always pictured Raphael being the most ready to take up that mantle. He was so protective of his family, and when he wasn’t losing his head to his anger, he was actually a great strategic thinker. He was undoubtable the strongest fighter and could easily overpower any combatant. Leo wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Raph was ready to take on the responsibilities and everything that came with being a leader. His red-masked brother had always wore his heart on his sleeve, and he was afraid that any failures he would perceived to be his fault would crush that indomitable spirit.

How would Raphael handle the rest of the team? Would he be able to have enough authority to get Don out of his lab and into the dojo for training? Brute force was not the best way to handle their intellectual brother, who despite his peaceable nature, could fight back as much as the next turtle. Raph would have to appeal to his reasonable nature and make sure he knew he was doing it for the good of the team. Don could be a little snitty and passive aggressive if one tried to talk down to him, and it had taken a lot of practice to not get the bo-wielding turtle to turn the conversation around on him when trying to get him to do something or get something from him.

With Mikey, would Raph be able to get him to focus during training and during battles? Mikey just had such an energetic spirit that needed to be reined in so he could reach the potential they all knew he had. Would Raph have the patience he hasn’t really shown in the past to handle the hyperactive turtle in a leadership capacity? Would Don and Mike submit to their older brother’s authority? Or would they feel like they deserved to occupy the role as leader? How would they feel about the new leadership, because there is no doubt that Raph would have a different way of running things? Would Raphael’s strong heart be enough to override his hot-head?

All of these thoughts were swimming in his head as he finally made it home. The lair was quiet again, and it did nothing to appease the feeling he had gained during his walk. As he passed through the empty living room as he was headed towards his bedroom, he realized that all of this worrying was only borrowing trouble. There was no use in obsessing about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ He knew that even if they filled his every thought from now until the deadline, he wasn’t going to change his mind about what needs to be done. His job now was to prepare himself so those things don’t happen, and to say his goodbyes for in case they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read once about how some of the great leaders aren’t those who are without fear and doubt, but those who know when to pay attention to them and when to block them out. This is how I see Leo, a man (er, turtle) with a lot of fear for his family and the world around him, but has the fortitude to move past them and to never show them. It is something, I think, he’s picked up from Master Splinter, who has shown an inordinate amount of patience and stoicism when faced with the task of raising four young turtles without any experience. 
> 
> Fear, though, is a healthy and useful thing, and sometimes Leo ignores it a little too much, which I will hope to clarify in a later chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the last one in 2014 and have a happy and safe New Year.
> 
> Chapter title is from the Adele song.


	5. Chapter 4 - Under the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey and Leo have a heart-to-heart in an underground skate park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter. I find the Leo and Mikey interaction to be heartwarming and cute. Just a warning, the chapters are starting to become longer here on out. I tried to make them uniformed, but I’m wordy. I couldn’t help it. I think at this point I knew that I was going to hit over 50k before even getting halfway through with the second part (and, Lord, I was so right.)

Chapter 4 – Under the Sun

 

“It was nice growing up with someone like you, someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!”  
― Unknown

 

Despite his promise to try and let go of the thoughts that had plagued him earlier, Leo had found it difficult to fall asleep that night and he was paying for it the next day during practice. While his katas were almost as perfect as they usually were, he felt that some of his stances could have been better and he didn’t feel like he had enough power behind his attacks when he was sparring with Michelangelo, making it difficult to battle against the whirlwind flying attack that Mike was so good at. While it wasn’t unheard of that one of his brothers could beat him, this loss stung a little, because it had been his own fault for his lack of focus. Had he gotten to bed a little sooner, or perhaps if he had allowed himself to meditate before going to bed, those thoughts wouldn’t have crept in.

His self-deprecating mood didn’t improve when he realized that Donatello had been watching his every mood. When they sparred, usually they would just break off into pairs and fight at the same time. It was only when the match had been called that the finished fighters sit and watch the remaining bout. Don had been taken out quickly, almost too quickly, for Leo’s taste, but he had been too busy with his own fight to see what had happened to have Raph and Don sit and watch his fight with Mikey so soon.

Sensei’s focus had been split between the two turtles, checking their technique and to see if they were leaving too many openings for their opponent. Raph was only half-watching, seemingly bored with the process they were making in the fight. His only show of emotion was when Mikey started to gain the upper hand and he had to fight to hold back a grin. Don, however, seemed to be only watching him. It wasn’t that mildly attentive gaze he had when he was just paying attention to someone explain something or talk about things they liked. This look was critical and unwavering, like he was studying a very interesting specimen that perplexed him. Leo had the feeling he was being judged and was found lacking. It wasn’t the most comfortable feelings in the world and it set his paranoid thoughts into overdrive. What was it that Don was looking for when he looked at him and did he have to worry about it?

As soon Mike had delivered the winning blow and Splinter called the match to a halt, Don’s eyes turned away from him and focused his attention on their father. They all took in his words of encouragement and advice for improvement, then moved onto an hour long meditation before they were allowed go their separate ways.

For the first time in a long time, he couldn’t wait for meditation to be finished. He could not concentrate on trying to find the cosmos due to the exhaustion he felt from the lack of sleep and his bout with Mikey. He was also preoccupied as to why Don had been paying close attention to him during his sparring session. What was it that was going on in that big brain of his and why did he choose him as his source of scrutiny? Could he know about was going on? Had he somehow given his plan away?

That was ridiculous, right? He’s barely even been in the same room as Don these past few days much less talk to him. Unless he had a way of reading his mind, there was no way he knew.

As the meditations session mercifully came to an end, Leo got up and bowed to his Master in show of respect. He allowed his brothers to exit before him, unwilling to look as eager to exit the dojo as his brothers, an old habit he never could quite break. There was something oppressing to be in such an enclosed area surrounded by the very family he was keeping something from and he felt a sudden burst of relief as soon as he exited the dojo, and the openness of their lair allowed that depressing feeling to dissipate.  

Leo walked towards the entertainment center, where Mikey had already taken up residence and was starting a videogame that the eldest quite honestly had no clue what it was about. All he saw was a scantily clad female warrior doing back flips and cutting down her opponents without any regard how she may look or if that tiny slip of cloth was enough to protect herself from the onslaught of enemies with very sharp weapons. Then again, it was just a video game (Mikey would probably gasp in indignation if he ever uttered that phrase out loud) and he knew he just couldn’t expect to apply common logic to it.

As he settled down on the sofa behind Mikey, who had decided that the floor was a comfortable enough spot for his game play, Leo allowed the worries he had before dissolve. If Don truly knew what was going on, Leo would think that his brother would have brought it up, whether in private or allowing the rest of the family to join in on the conversation. While Don had a tendency to be passive aggressive, he was no stranger to speaking up when he felt it was warranted. Instead, the blue-masked turtle decided to allow the noises coming from the TV to wash over him and allowed himself a few moments of blessed reprieve from thinking all together.

The respite had only lasted twenty minutes. Accustomed to Mikey spending hours playing, Leo was surprised when his younger brother turned off the game console and let out a large, dramatic sigh as he tossed the controller to the side and laid back on the ground. His arms flopped to the side of him and sprayed out making a ‘t’ shape.

“I’m _so_ bored!” Michelangelo stated, elongating the ‘so’ slightly longer than it needed to be. “Even my beloved video games cannot contain the boredom that is our lives right now.”

The turtle on the sofa gave a slight chuckle. “You could always train,” Leo said, with an air of false helpfulness. He saw his brother blanched at the thought and his laughter grew stronger.

“I’ve trained enough for one morning, dude!” Mike lifted up his chin so he could get a better upside down view of his leader. “I beat you, didn’t I?”

His grin was cheeky and proud, and Leo couldn’t help but return it despite how he felt about the situation. There was just something about his little brother’s smile that made all the world seem right. They were full of warmth and softness, and Leo was sure that they would all be able to sustain their life source just by one grin from their manipulative and childlike brother. Trouble was, Mikey knew the power his smiles had and used it to his full advantage. There was no way he would have survived all his pranks and misdeeds of his youth without them.

Life could be very boring for a growing ninja turtle if they didn’t have the right outlet. Before Don had started working on technology for entertainment purposes, due to the large upkeep for it took for even a child genius to keep a subterranean sewer properly maintained for four cold blooded terrapins and an aging rat, Mikey had to find ways to entertain himself and that mostly meant bugging his brothers or falling into mischief. There had been a new prank every day, it seemed, and some turtles (Raphael) got the brunt of it more than others. (For some reason, Don was the least punked, probably because of the dual reasons that Don was sometimes his accomplice and that the purple-masked turtle was the giver of gifts, and he knew not to bite the hand that kept him entertained.) The introduction of the TV and other electronic devises had actually helped taper off Mikey’s nervous energy and kept his troublemaking down. While Leo would have rather him expel his excessive energy in a more productive way, like bettering himself in the dojo, he knew Mikey wouldn’t be Mikey if he wasn’t like this.

With their current downtime becoming more ‘watching and waiting’ than any actually ‘doing,’ Leo could understand why even Mikey’s plethora of virtual entertainment couldn’t keep his attention for long. Much like Raphael, Mikey needed to experience action to stop his skin from crawling. While he was sure Raph’s reason was more to do with his need to feel useful, Mikey needed stimulation to quiet his hyperactive brain. Don had always said he thought that the youngest turtle suffered from ADHD, though their resident medic refused to call it an actual diagnosis because he claimed he wasn’t a ‘real enough doctor’ to make that call. The lack of ‘heads to bash in,’ as Raph would put it, is probably causing Mikey to feel a little loopy and uncomfortable.

As it were, Mikey’s exclamation of boredom sparked a thought in Leo’s brain that would help put his plan into motion. His hyperactive brother was the most obvious choice as next on his list. Now was just trying to find something that would allow him to occupy some much needed time with him that would be beneficial to both of them.

“Yes,” Leo said, acknowledging his earlier brag in defeating their ‘Fearless Leader.’ “You did very well today in training. What do you want as a prize?”

“A prize?” There was a pause as Mikey tried to comprehend what his normally stuffy brother just said. Prizes weren’t given out for work done in the dojo. Usually an “atta boy” was a reward enough, especially if it came from their harder to please members of the family.  Once the thought actually sunk in, that proud filled smile turned brighter with excitement and joy. “What kind of prize? Can I get a pony?”

That drew a snicker from the older turtle, as he knew was the intent. “No, no pony.” Mikey had gotten up from his prone position and turned towards his older brother, his eyes bright. “But you’re right. I think we’ve been cooped up so long. How about we do something recreational?”

Mike already started bouncing like a bunny with anticipation. “Sewer boarding?”

The eldest turtle knew his mouth stretched to match the smile on his brother’s face. “Sewer boarding,” he agreed.

Sewer boarding was their term for extreme skateboarding in the abandon tunnels at the south side of their old lair. Because they are turtles of the mutated variety, it was hard for them to have access to one of New York City’s many skate parks during the day. Despite Leo’s currently willingness to bend a few rules for the sake of this mission, this was something that he could not allow to bend. So the four-some had spent many weeks setting up a long stretch of dilapidated sewers into their own underground skate park. It was a group effort, fueled by Donnie’s research, Mikey’s creativity, Raph’s persistence, and his own planning. Master Splinter approved it, after being assured that it was safe and secured away from the outside world. It had allowed his sons to release any pent up energy he couldn’t get out of them during ninja lessons and it got them out of the lair and out from under his feet. It was far enough for him to enjoy some relative peace and quiet, yet close enough for him to get to in case of an emergency.

It was a bit of a trek now, since they’ve moved practically underneath Central Park, but neither turtle seemed to mind. The tunnels they passed through to get there weren’t ideal to skate in, and so they walked the distance, sometime sprinting when they felt like it. Mikey had monopolized the conversation, which was what Leo had preferred. While the older ninja didn’t understand half of the things that came out of the chatterbox’s mouth, Leo just let the words flow over him, letting them seep into skin and creating an armor made out of his brother’s warmth and craziness.

By the time they got there, Mikey’s excitement could not be contained and wouldn’t listen to Leo’s words of advice to hold off a minute to check the pikes for any damage or debris. He flew through the air and right off the bat started with a 360 Spin before moving in an End Over and a very impressive one-handed Handstand. Leo could only shake his head as he moved along the course, keeping both an eye out on his daredevil brother and checking the ramps conditions before he started skating himself. Mikey was obviously the better skateboarder, while Leo favorite the razor scooter. That item had been destroyed when the Foot invaded their last home and he hadn’t found a reason to ask Don to build him a new one. Mikey had been gracious enough, if a little bossy, about loaning one of his back up boards and he flew through the obstacles with, perhaps not the same grace as Michelangelo was, but with an experienced flair.

They boarded for a couple of hours without a lot of conversation aside from their usual ribbing and cracks when one of them, mostly Leo, fell from their boards. It was honestly some of the most fun Leo’s had for a while, and he knew Mikey was enjoying himself, if the hoots and hollers were any indication. They worked themselves up to a sweat and decided to sit down and rest a minute. Their breathing was coming in huffs and it was cold enough to see each exhale they made.

Mikey, predictably, put two fingers together as if he was holding a cigarette and brought it to his lips, mimicking smoking. It was something he had done since he was a child and had seen a human do it topside. It always brought laughter out of Raph and Don when he did it and Leo allowed himself a chortle this time around. Leo didn’t know if any of his brothers had ever actually tried smoking, he was willing to bet Raph had but was unwilling to ever bring it up.

That thought made him think of all of the other things he didn’t know about his brothers, about what they have done when he wasn’t around. What sort of things they would do if he was no longer there? It caused Leo’s mood to drop from the high he had been experiencing to the melancholy that he had since Karai’s letter found its way to him.

He knew from an outsider’s point of view, Mikey could be portrayed as an annoying, self-centered brat. He was loud and obnoxious at times (most times), constantly whining and calling attention to himself, and seemingly unaware of those around him. He does nothing to dissuade anyone from that image of himself. If one were to express their distaste in something he did or says, he would make sure to repeat the actions or words, as often and as loud as he could. He would try to make sure that what he did left a lasting effect on them, whether it was to humor them or disgust them that it would change their mood or thought somehow, and let it linger for a while. Without even realizing it, they’ve already falling into his trap of underestimating him.

Michelangelo was a master of misdirection and hides his true softer and more serious self behind the mask of a clown. It was one of his greatest weapons, the ability to have his opponents undervalue his natural athletic abilities and his own unique fighting prowess that his brothers could only dream of. His laughter covers his fears. His smiles turn everyone away his insecurities. His pranks pulls people away from his faults. His desire to be the center of attention was a way to control a situation that he felt was helpless.  

Mikey was smarter, stronger, and more worldly than any of them ever gave him credit for. He was also amazingly perceptive to others’ moods and feelings, so Leo wasn’t surprised when he dropped the smoking act and turned to his older brother with a questioning look.

“What’s up, bro?” Mikey asked, his voice sounded mild despite the seriousness Leo could detect in his eyes. He turned his head and looked at his baby brother, contemplating how much he could say and how he wanted to say it. He didn’t want fall into the trap that Mikey likes to set out and reveal too much, too soon. So he tried to stay as close to the truth as possible, using hypotheticals. Hopefully he would be able to play off being just the worrywart brother and not that he had a hidden agenda.

“It’s nothing really,” he started, trying to make his voice sound lighter than it felt. “Just thinking about the past few months, how much things have changed and how many things happened. My training, the destruction of the lair, Donnie’s transformation…” The image of Don, their sweet and gentle brother, as that mindless, unfeeling beast still sent shivers down Leo’s spine and plagued his nightmares. No matter that Bishop helped them create a cure for their resident genius, Leo could never, ever forgive the government agent for creating the mess that caused Don’s unstable mutation in the first place. “It’s just a lot has happened, and now that things have quiet down, we’re finally able to process it all.”

Mike watched him as he spoke and gave what Leo was sure was supposed to be a sagely nod but it just looked like he was bobbing his head. “Yeah, now that we’ve finally got a breather, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Exactly,” Leo said, turning away from his brother and stared at their turtle-made skate park. Remembering all the times they had come in the past and all the tricks they’ve mastered and invented. Remembering times when things were just a bit simpler and just a bit more innocent.

“But we’re gonna get through it, won’t we, Leo?” Mikey fought hard to make his voice sound stronger than it was. “We just continue to kick ass and live happily ever after.”

Despite his bravado, Leo knew he was asking for reassurance with that statement. They all knew Mikey’s fear of terrifying monsters lurking in the dark, and in their line of work, those monsters are very much real. The past was littered with fiends, animal, alien, and human alike, and they were really out to get them. Mikey frequent use of his daring was his way to gain reassurance from his brothers that everything will turn out alright and that they’ll return home safe and sound.

“I wish it was that simple, Mikey,” Leo stated, wanting to reassure his brother, but couldn’t quite bring himself to lie completely. “No doubt we’ll haven’t seen our allotment of trouble just yet. And it’s impossible to be prepared for everything.”

“But we’re gonna be okay, Leo.” Mikey’s voice was almost pleading, sounding very different from his earlier laughter and jokes. “You have to promise me we’ll all get out of it alright.”

Even as young as he seemed and how bright he’d like to think their futures were, Mikey wasn’t stupid. He was raised a ninja just like he was and he knew that his older brother couldn’t make promises like that. The second they took the honor code of a ninja, they might as well have painted a target on their shells, telling all evil-doers that they were willing to fight them, as long as it was the just thing to do. It doesn’t matter really when Leo took care of the Foot, whether it was with his own death or with Karai’s, there will always be a need for them to fight. If it’s not the Foot or the Purple Dragons, then it’s Bishop. Or the Triceraton Republic. Or any other force that would take exception to five accidentally mutate beings that studied the art of ninjutsu. In this world, they were created, not born. The mother universe was trying everything in her power to rectify that mistake. Leo knew that this period of silence was only the eye of a storm. A storm that will come much sooner than they will want, or even deserve. He knew his hand in making sure that the hurricane would travel to their front door, but he also knew that Karai had given him no choice, and therefore he could not claim the full responsibility of his actions.

So Leo turned to his brother and gave him a gentle smile, hoping it brought the same warmth to Mikey as the young turtle’s smiles brought to him.

“You know I can’t promise that.” Mike was determined to not look sad at that but Leo saw through the bluster. He reached out his hand and gripped the sea-green turtle’s shoulder. “But I can promise you, that I will always be with you, whether in the physical sense, or spiritual. If anything were to happen to me, no matter what, I will always be here, watching you.”

It pained Leo, to see tears start to escape Mikey’s eyes at his exclamation, but he knew it needed to be said. Using the hand already gripping his brother, he pulled him in and enveloped him into a full hug. Mikey sniffed and burrowed into his older brother’s arms. He allowed them a moment of silence and comfort before he spoke again, determined to not break down himself.

“I just need you to promise something in return.” Mikey gave a slight hiccough, indicating he wanted Leo to continue. “I want you to promise me you’ll never change.”

Mikey let out a scoffing huff. “But you guys think I’m a brat.”

The blue-masked turtle knew Mikey didn’t really think that was true, but he humored him anyway. “No we don’t, pipsqueak. Besides, you’re _our_ brat and we wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Mikey’s face was pressed up against Leo’s neck and he could feel his younger brother’s smile on his skin, and Leo closed his eyes, allowing that feeling to sear into him, leaving an invisible brand that only he would be able to see. He felt that he could fight any battle if the power of Mikey’s smile had been poured onto him. It was his talisman.

“Uh, yeah, bro,” Mikey’s voice was thick with unshed tears. “Whatever you say. ‘Sides, this world would be like totally boring if I wasn’t me, right?”

Leo’s voice was heavy, also, though his laugh was alight with amusement. “Of course, we wouldn’t want that to happen. Serious work might actually get done.”

“I know!” Mikey backed away from the embrace to give Leo a view of his much desired smile. “The horror of it all!”

There were only so many moments in a day brothers could allow sappy things to happen and they had just surpassed their limit. Mikey flicked his finger at Leo’s nose, and as Leo rubbed the offended appendage, the youngest quickly grabbed his board and started skating again, letting out an obnoxious laugh trail him.

As he got up and followed his brother, Leo knew he wouldn’t be able to take the grin that graced his face off for the rest of the time they were there.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did Mikey some justice. As much as I love the guy, if I had to pick a least favorite turtle, it would be Mikey. Though now I think after writing this he’s moved up where he’s tied with Leo at third. Aside from a little bit in the next chapter and chapter 8, this is the extent of Mikey. This is a mostly Leo character fic. My original plot didn’t even involve Mikey and Raph in the foreground at all, they would be mentioned, at the very most. But I’m glad I changed it. I wanted some one-on-one turtle time aside from Donnie and Leo. Enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Michael Weatherly (aka Tony DiNozzo from NCIS). His character reminds me so much of Mikey that I did use part of him as inspiration for this chapter. I could talk for days about the parallels between TMNT and NCIS…
> 
> Also, I am starting a new job on Monday, but that shouldn’t affect the updates. They may be a day late, at most. Hopefully?


	6. Chapter 5 - Crash and Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operation: Talk to family.  
> Subject: Donatello, part 2.  
> Mission Status:...Failure. 
> 
> Please attempt talking to subject at a later time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will see in this chapter. I love writing about Donnie in another person’s point of view. Donatello has been my favorite character since I was small, tied with Ariel. He’s the reason my favorite color is purple. True story. As you will see in this series that what Donnie thinks of himself and what everyone else does are completely two different things. Self-esteem will be an issue. 
> 
> This chapter was almost late (it’s actually getting posted at night, yikes) because I only sent it to my beta last night. But she’s a champion and got it back to me promptly, cuz she’s more professional than I am at the moment. So thanks, Kamerer220!

Chapter 5 – Crash and Burn

 

“I have siblings. And there are certain things I know that I can push their buttons. And they know they have certain things where they can push mine.”  
― Catherine Zeta-Jones

 

The two brothers skateboarded for several more hours before their grumbling stomachs begged for them to return home for lunch. After the heaviness of their earlier conversation, all the ones following it were light and full of nonsense. They came home well after lunch had been served and were forced to heat up the soup that was left on the stove for them. Based on the simplicity of the meal and lack of sides, they knew it had to be Raphael. It had been years since Splinter had been forced to cook due to all the years he had been the main chef and Donatello was more in tune to their ravenously hormonal and growing bodies and would have never made something as simple as canned soup. Neither starving turtle complained, because there was plenty of it along with surprisingly fresh fruit to fill their grumbling bellies.

It didn’t take much arm twisting by Michelangelo to get Leonardo to play video games for the rest of the day until patrol. Mikey was soaking up the individual attention he was receiving from his normally reserved brother and Leo was reluctant to part from him, even to do some more solo training. Their earlier conversation made Leo want to create more carefree memories. He didn’t want to be remembered only as the stuffy older brother who only pushed him in training. While video games were not his forte (this was abundantly clear because he had been beaten an average of seven out of ten times in Mario Kart), Leo was having fun watching Mikey celebrate with every race he would win, regardless of it was the first one of the day or the 15th. Mikey just had such an exuberance and childlike nature that, when it wasn’t annoying, it was endearing and heartwarming. Just being around him made Leo feel younger and freer.

Raph joined them halfway through their game play, declining in actually playing but appeared to be having a ball egging Mikey on just to spite his oldest brother. Leo pretended to play along, scowling at his younger brothers, causing them to laugh in derision. The normalcy of it all made him feel like a great weight was lifted off his chest for those hours. The only thing to bring it down was that it was missing two important members of their clan. Splinter, Leo knew, was in his room and away from the noise his sons were making. It would be a tall order to try and get their father to come and join them, especially since Leo was trying avoid raising any red flags. There were still a few days left, maybe he could initiate a family game night that would allow their Sensei to join in the activities. Donnie, on the other hand, usually didn’t mind being in the thick of family fun chaos, at least when he’s not in the middle of a big project. Usually Mikey can flash his pearly whites and blue puppy dog eyes, or Leo would appeal to his temperate and warm nature, or Raph could physically remove him from lab, plant him on the sofa, and then sit on him until he relaxed enough to join in their games.

Today, however, Leo hadn’t see his brainy brother until they were well into their gaming session. Raph had been making fun of Fearless Leader’s most spectacular defeat when Donatello emerged from the garage with an empty mug. He barely looked at the group around the entertainment center as he trudged along into the kitchen. It seemed nobody else noticed the appearance of the engineer until he was already in the kitchen filling up his mug. Leo quietly observed the caffeine-addicted turtle as he started a new pot of coffee. His shoulders were hunched over slightly with what appeared to be fatigue and the bags starting to show under his eyes from a lack of sleep. His family had been careful to make sure that Donatello was rested and recuperating after his second unstable mutation, making him sleep in during morning practice and efficiently banning him from the dojo until Splinter had deemed him ready. They had taken the brunt of the repair work in fixing up their new lair, installing everything from the kitchen to the security system while Don supervised sitting down. Nobody, with the exception of Don, who was itching to do something, complained about the long hours of engineering work that had cut away from their down time. Don had overhauled their last lair from top to bottom with barely any help and hadn’t complained until after it was already demolished. They figured they owed it to him to be the ones to put in the time and effort into their next one.

They had only recently relaxed on the leash and allowed their now fully recovered brother to resume his self-appointed duties as the resident mechanic and inventor, and let him come back into the dojo and join them on patrols. They had hoped with his forced exile that he would learn to pace himself and not become obsessed and overrun with the responsibilities that nobody but he expected from himself. They thought that the taste of rest and relaxation would be something he would grow accustomed to and make sure he had more of it in his daily routine.

Sadly, as Leo watched his brother blink wearily as the coffee percolated into the pot, they obviously failed to emphasis their wish for him to not push himself to the limits again.

Donnie was not so out of it that he wasn’t aware of what was going on around him and he turned his head to the eyes that had been staring at him for the last moments. When Leo and Don’s eyes locked, a strange stirring occurred in older turtle’s belly, as if he had been caught doing something unscrupulous. He searched the depths of those brown eyes, trying to see if there was a cause for this feeling, but all he saw was tiredness and a slight raising of the guard. Leo tried not to think too much into it, especially since he _had_ just been caught staring at him. He was sure he would have done the same thing, but he couldn’t help but wonder why Donnie’s defenses would come up with him.

Before either party could do or say anything, though, the coffee make beeped, indicating it was ready to be consumed. Don turned from their impromptu staring match to pick up the pot and pour his precious liquid into his mug.

The beep also brought the attention of their two other brothers, who had been bickering on who was the best character to have in a race. (Mikey was sure Toad’s lightness made him faster while Raph argued that Browser was the best opponent due to his size and strength being able to knock out his competitors. Leo’s argument is that the character was only as good as his player, and had he been more skilled in virtual racing, Leo could beat both of their asses with Yoshi.) The argument was paused as they watched Don take a sip of what had to be burning hot liquid and they see the immediate affects the caffeine caused their brother. His shoulders squared up slightly and the general air of lethargy started to dissipate.

“Yo, Donnie!” Raph called out, patting the seat next to him. “Come join us. Fearless is getting his ass handed to him.”

“Yeah!” Mikey piped in, waving him over, “I’ll even let you play Peach! She’s the second best character in the game!”

Don smiled politely, his demeanor relaxing a little. “I appreciate the offer, but I really need to finish with the modifications to the battle shell. Maybe next time.” His voice sounded pleasant and not as tired as Leo would have expected. Mikey looked like he was going to start pleading when Raph nudged him in the shell.

“What do you mean, second best? You can’t be assuming that a freakin’ mushroom is the best character?”

“Toad is _so_ underappreciated as an important character in the Mario Brother’s franchise!” Mikey started, and the argument began again as Don drank a few more mouthfuls of coffee before topping his cup up and started heading back to garage. Leo noticed that he was trying to avoid eye-contact with him, keeping his eyes on his almost overfilled mug. The leaf-green turtle was reluctant to let Don out of his sight at the moment, for some reason, but couldn’t think of a way to command Donnie to stay when the only thing they were doing was playing a video game.

So he let it go for a moment, and simply called out, “Don’t forget we have patrol in an hour!”

Don’s answer was a waving of the hand as he finally exited out of the room. Still, Leo found it hard to tear his eyes away from the now empty doorway. There was an instinctual need to follow his brother, something he knew came from both their most recent scare of losing him and his need as a leader to make sure his clan was safe. Leo was torn. He was having a great time being beaten by his baby brother and actually enjoyed Raph’s ribbing when it was something non-consequential as his game playing skills. His sarcastic nature was humorous when Leo knew there wasn’t any real malicious intent behind it.

He reasoned he still had a few days to talk to Don, and if he wanted to connect with him sooner, he could always pair himself up with him that night during patrol. Besides, Leo founded it hard not to comply with Don’s obvious request to be left alone, especially since they have been mother-henning him the past few months. So he turned back to the argument at hand, glad to see that it was still only being fought with words and not fists.

-o-

The temperature had dropped again, making it almost bitterly cold, though it wasn’t even November yet. Leo, who was hesitant about babying Donnie any further, had felt the need to suggest that he put on a trench coat for added warmth. Donnie had put up a token protest, stating he could handle the temperature just fine. Before Leo could come up with a counter argument, Raph had already brought out everyone’s jackets and tossed Donnie’s trench coat at him. Because Donnie had his attention on Leo, he didn’t see the offending material until it had already hit him in the head. He took the coat off of his head and sent a scowl at their red-masked brother, who just rolled his eyes at him as he was putting on his own bomber jacket.

The look on Don’s face changed instantly. The indignation melted off of his face, replacing it with a strangely blank expression. His brown eyes blinked rapidly for a second before he quietly put his coat on and headed towards the exit. Raph raised an eyebrow at Leo, who just shrugged on his own black trench coat and followed Donnie up to the surface. There was no way for Leo to explain what had just happened. It was as if Don had complete shutdown and retreated into himself. They had only seen that happen to Donnie a few times in their lifetime, and none of them could ever get him to tell them why. Don was a very private turtle who had always kept his demons hidden. Even as a child, they knew Don would frequently get nightmares but had a reluctance to share them.

They all knew that Don’s intelligence was both a gift and a curse. He had such a thirst for knowledge and understanding things that it brought him to realms that others could only dream of accessing. Sometimes, though, one can reach too far into the abyss and unable to come back out the same. None of them knew what prices Don has had to pay in his quest for information. It was one of Leo’s greatest fears he has for his brainy brother. That one day he will fall under weight of what he knows and perish in his pursuit of understanding.

There was nothing anyone could do if they didn’t know what needs to be fixed. Leo decided he would let it go in that moment, but they had a long night ahead of them, if the past few patrols were any indication. Maybe a few hours of running around in the cool air would help loosen Don’s tongue.

As predicted, their patrol started quiet. While the cold air was bad for cold-blooded reptiles, it was good for the crime rate. Mostly, they saw people scampering to get back into their apartments from work or shopping or were setting up Halloween decorations. They spent the first two hours as one group, running and jumping from rooftop to rooftop, keeping warm that way. After a quiet turnout and the temperature continuing to fall, Leo figured it would be best to split up into two groups and cover more ground to save up on time. If all was still quiet after two more hours, they would cut their run short, and go back to the warm lair.

As he promised himself earlier, he teamed himself up with Donnie and allowed Raphael and Michelangelo to pair up and told them to go to the east side before swinging around the south, while they went north and then west. They moved quietly and quickly through the cold city, moving swiftly across the October sky. They refrained from conversation through most of their journey, except to communicate if they saw something suspicious or needed to turn in direction. Finally, after an hour or so of patrol, Leo called for a break. Don grumbled slightly under his breath, but he couldn’t hide the look of relief that flashed across his face. They all knew that Don was back to perfect health, but the months of inactivity wreaked havoc on his stamina. It would probably take months before he got back his old endurance. It was undoubtedly a blow to Don’s confidence, who always felt like the weak link in the ninja department, despite their reassurances. One of his worst fears was being a hindrance to them in a battle and when he finally was cleared to practice, he had worked hard to build himself back up to what he once was. They all tried to be encouraging and aided him in any way they could, but he seemed determined to do it by himself.

Leo settled himself at the edge of a building that was overlooking a school yard. He saw that the kids at the school had decorated the chained fence with paper spiders, jack-o-lanterns, and witch hats in the colors of black and orange. He smiled at the arts and crafts that livened up the otherwise dilapidated playground before turning back to his brother, who sat a few feet away, looking in the opposite direction, towards the harbor. Though he couldn’t see the look on his brother’s face from this angle, he could tell by the way his shoulders were set that he was tense. He had the same posture when he was working on an important project or was frustrated the coding he was doing wasn’t working in his favor. It always reminded Leo of Atlas, who held the world on his shoulders. He knew it must feel like that to Donnie, who often had the responsibilities of their security and welfare in his hands. Leo may be the leader of the clan, and Splinter the head of the household, but Don was in charge for practically everything else. He built and did most of the maintenance of the vehicles and machinery, with some help from Raphael. He acquired most of the appliances or built them from scratch. The wiring and security system was all his, and on top of that, he plays doctor. Splinter was good with herbal healing, but Don did the rest: stitches, broken bones, and non-herbal medicines. They all knew basic first aid to be able to help in an emergency, but Don handled the blunt of the workload.

It hurt Leo’s heart sometimes, to see his brother so boggled down with such responsibilities, when he knew he had dreams and wishes to do things beyond ensuring his family safety. He wished he could do more of his share in these sort of things, or at least have it spread out more, but Don was the best at almost every endeavor he tried and rarely complained. It was something he enjoyed doing, despite the pressures put upon him.

Seeing like there’s no time like the present, Leo cleared his throat. “How are you doing, Donnie?”

Those tense shoulders jumped at the intrusion on the silence that had fallen upon them and Don turned towards his older brother. His face looked calm, almost carefully so. The moonlight shined down on him, shrouding him in the cool light. It made Donnie look younger than his seventeen years, before the battles and problems they had fought aged them, making them infinitely older. Leo wanted to remember that idealistic Donnie, who still had so many wishes and dreams of the future before the reality of who and what they are popped most of them.

“I’m fine.” It was his token response, and should never be taken at face value.

Leo raised a masked brow, and Don’s lips trembled into a sheepish grin. “Really, Leo, I’m fine. I’m just tired, is all.”

Leo nodded, as if that was what he wanted to hear. He let a moment of silence pass between them before he tried again. “You seem more tired as of late. Have you been working on a new project?”

Don’s smile faded into that careful blank look he gets when he’s trying not to let his emotions show, but he couldn’t mask he frustration in his eyes.

“No,” he said, his voice a little flat. “I’m just making sure everything is updated. Since the Foot has been quiet lately, I want to make sure I keep everything in order when they emerge again.”

Leo fought himself from allowing his own breath catch in an effort to not give anything away, for his secret was starting to weigh heavy upon his shoulders. The pressure was almost suffocating at times. He needed to be sure that nothing in his demeanor gave away his plans, or it would all be for naught.

“You think they’ll attack soon?” Leo asked. He had dual meanings behind the question. One, he wanted to gauge his brother’s reaction to the question, to see how much of his mood is about their current situation, or if it was about him. Second, he wanted his brother’s honest opinion on this. Don wasn’t as spiritual as Splinter and himself. He was extremely intellectual and is sometimes disbelieving the whole “bad vibes” thing that the rest of them expressed on occasion. Leo had felt the oncoming storm well before he received the letter, and he’s sure Splinter has as well, though he had been reluctant to converse with Splinter until he knew how to approach him.

The olive-skinned turtle was silent for a few moments, turning his head away from Leo’s prying eyes, as if he knew Leo was interrogating him.

Again, he was remarkably perceptive.

When he finally did, he did so quietly, as if he was afraid to be overheard. “Yes, I do believe they may strike soon.” His face scrunched up slightly, as if he found the topic to be distasteful. “But I think they may be waiting for something to happen.”

Leo’s breath caught in his throat and his voice sounded slightly hoarse, “Any guess to what that might be?”

There as a few more moments of silence that wore on Leo’s fraying nerves before Don spoke again, “If I knew what was going to happen, you better be sure I would be prepared to face whatever it was.”

The tone of Don’s voice was clear and certain, as if he was a general facing an army he was sure he could defeat. It should have been reassuring. Don was a dependable and capable individual, and his plans usually worked because he thought of all the possibilities and outcomes. His contingency plans had contingency plans and his calculations were almost always on point that he rarely had to use them. It was only when the extremely unpredictable occurred that Don would have to fall back and regroup. It was difficult to catch Don completely off guard, because he had the ability come up with so many scenarios, he could probably create an alternate dimension with pure brain power. Unfortunately, they dealt with such scenarios on an almost monthly basis. All the answer did, however, was make Leo feel a little uneasy. He hadn’t wanted his brother to sound like that, especially this brother. It made him sound hard, and that was the last thing he wanted his kind-hearted brother to sound.

“But it doesn’t matter, really, when they come,” Don continued, suddenly turning his face to Leo, and he saw that earnest look upon it. “It only matters that they will come, they will always come no matter what we do to protect ourselves. It’s happened before, and it will happen again. Karai blames us for what happened to her father and she will not stop until _we_ make her.”

Don wasn’t like Mikey, who would cry out the sky was falling at almost at the first glance of trouble, but he was well aware that this universe held true monsters, and not all of them looked as obvious as Freddy or Jason. Leo does his fair share of worrying, but Don was the Worry King, only because he knew exactly what could go wrong and how bad things could truly get. It was clear he was worried about what was going to happen with the Foot, considering their history with them, and it only served to stiffen Leo’s resolve in meeting Karai head on to end this once and for all.

The leader leaned over and placed a comforting hand on his brother’s clothed shoulders. “Don’t worry, Donnie. The Foot will be taken care of, I guarantee it.”

Far from looking like he was reassured, Don appeared put off by both the comforting gesture and words of promise. He shook his brother’s hand off of him and stood up, moving a few paces away from him, turning his back to him once more.  

Leo’s concern grew. This was very atypical of their most complacent brother.

“Don, hey!” He got up and tried to catch his brother’s arm again only to have it shaken off again. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m just dandy!” Don hissed, hyper aware of their surroundings. He rounded on Leo then, but it was hard to see Don’s facial features now that he’s moved back into the shadows.  “Why, is something wrong with _you_ , Leo?”

“What? No!” Leo exclaimed, trying to stay as quiet as possible. This was exactly what he had wanted to avoid with Donnie. He had a way of trying to turn the conversation around when he was trying to avoid something. Sometimes it’s subtle and Leo wouldn’t realize it’s happening until he was already miles off topic. Other times, it’s as obvious as a brick to the face, and it means that Don’s at the end of his rope.

It appeared Don’s tolerance for their coddling had come to an end. Of course, it was never intended and was only well-meaning, and Don knew all of this. He had understood it and had stomached it, for months and months. He endured it like a rock in a stream, but even that stone gets worn down after time of water rushing around it.

“Donnie, I’m sorry.” Leo reaches out to him one more time, and perhaps it was the softness in Leo’s voice that had him allow the fingers to gently grasp his bicep. Don still wouldn’t look at him in the eye, but at least he wasn’t pulling away from him again. Leo leaned in closer, trying to catch the now downcast eyes and continued to speak softly. “ _We’re_ sorry. We understand that it’s-“

Before he could tell Donnie what they understood, a shrill sound filled the cold and quiet air, coming out sharper than it usually did. Leo closed his eyes and allowed a moment of frustration to course through him before using the hand that wasn’t holding Donnie to grab his shellcell and answered it swiftly, putting it on speaker to allow Donnie to hear what’s going on.

“Yes?”

_“Yo, Fearless!”_ Raphael’s voice came out loud and clear from the tiny speaker, and it almost sounded like he was right there. _“We’ve spotted some activity at dat pharmacy on Thompson an’ Houston. Looks like we gots ourselves a couple a’ druggies trying ta break in. Wanna come join da fun?”_

If it was only two druggies that were involved, Raph and Mikey were well equipped to handle it on their own. Leo knew that area, however, and it was close enough to the NYU campus to make him feel uncomfortable about them not having backup. He looked to Don, who nodded and tightened his trench coat around him to be ready to be on the move. Leo was heartened at the animosity that had been in his brother’s eyes had disappeared and only determination remained.

“Sure, Raph,” Leo said, already heading east. “We’ll be there in about ten.” He hung up the shellcell and the pair quickly disappeared into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you know the reason for Don’s mini freeze-up, you get a cyber cookie. There will be references to the episode that usually only written by its initials in these two stories. If it is not already obvious, no, his family does not know what went on in that dimension, he lied or omitted a great deal. This will explained later…like a lot later. Not even in this piece. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the Savage Garden song.


	7. Chapter 6 - Time Is Running Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo must deal with old baggage before he can move forward with Raphael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update. Both my beta and I are under the weather, her more so than me, so this is unbeta’d and a day late. The next update will be on Thursday instead of Wednesday, and will resume as normal after that. Since I am so very close to finishing the second story, I’ll have more time to go through the chapters and nitpick in earnest and we might not have this problem again.
> 
> I loved writing this chapter. Raph is such an interesting character to write about. There is a reason Donnie and Raph are my two favorite turtles. I’m just sad that he’s not as featured in this story as I usually put him. Hopefully this will whet your appetite a little for our beloved hot-headed turtle for the time being. I have another story that I have also been working on forever that was abandoned but recently came up again. I just don’t know when it will be posted. Enjoy!

Chapter 6 – Time Is Running Out

-o-

He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival,  
my confidant and my betrayer,  
my sustainer and my dependent,  
and scariest of all, my equal.  
 **-Gregg Levoy**

-o-

Leonardo was starting to panic. The week was passing by a lot quicker than he thought it would. He only had three and a half days left before his battle with Karai, and he hadn’t even talked to half of his family.

His talk with Donnie last night couldn’t even count as an actual conversation. There had been too many harsh words and no real resolution.  

So Don had effectively shot him down twice and he was starting to despair. He knew he was approaching they brainy turtle all wrong, considering he was hyper aware of any signs that could be misconstrued as overprotectiveness. He couldn’t rely on Don leaving an opening for him, especially if he was tired of the hovering and kid gloves. The eldest would just have to create an opening, and do it soon. Time was running out.

Splinter was another conversation Leo was having issues with. What was the best approach? He couldn’t just lie to his father’s face. Even an omission of the truth could be detected by the ninja master, and Leo would have to tread carefully. The more he thought about it, though, he wasn’t so sure that Splinter would have been completely against his plan. He may feel like it was the honorable thing to do to protect one’s family and clan. Leo couldn’t take a chance just yet, however, because he was sure that there was one part of the plan Splinter wouldn’t approve, keeping the rest of his family in the dark.  

Leo just couldn’t allow any deviation from his mission, now that it’s well in motion. Even if, by the smallest of chances, his brothers approved of the plan, the blue-masked turtle doesn’t think he could handle having his family look at him before he left like they were never going to see him again. He didn’t want his departure from the lair in three nights for what maybe the last time like it _was_ the last time. He wanted the hope that he would be coming back, victorious in keeping his family safe from their biggest threat to date. So, no, if this was going to go the way he planned, he had to keep Splinter until the very last, and only hoped that his father would allow him to continue it as he had started it. So his father was out, and he was not risking being shot down by Don again twice in a row, so that left one obvious choice in this matter.

He knew that his hot-headed brother planned on hitting the garage to clean and tune up the shellcycle after practice this morning, so he waited about half an hour before joining him. He did this so that by the time he joined him, Raph would be well into his routine and least likely to try and start a confrontation. With things as slow as it had been, Leo wouldn’t put it past his more passionate brother to try something just to get rid of the boredom. Sure enough, as Leo finally entered the garage, Raph was already elbow deep in motorcycle parts and grease. He was at his little nook in the large space that served as their garage, a space that Don had graciously allotted him in the midst of was mostly his domain.

Now Raphael was big, as far as mutated turtles go, but he was positively dwarfed by all the vehicles and machinery that Don had either in perfect working order or was in the process of making something out of. Gutted car parts and disarmed weaponry littered the walls and part of the walkways, all on the “To Do” list Don always had. Leo knew that they would eventually be put to use, it was only a matter of time. Leo allowed a moment to reflect on the multitude of projects that Don had lying around while allowing Raph to sense his presence. He was quite unwilling to startle his immediate younger brother while working with what could be sensitive materials. (He doesn’t actually know what kind of materials are used for it. He doesn’t even think he’s even _touched_ the shellcycle out of reference to his brother’s belongings aside from that one time Don made him move it to take a part from the wall near it and he had only done _that_ with the utmost reluctance.) When he saw Raph look up from his current project for a brief moment before returning his attention back to the bike. Leo took that as a sign of awareness and moved closer. He was just watching Raph work a few moments when the red-masked brother voice rang out, echoing across the garage.

“Ya need somethin’, Leo?” inquired the growly voice that was actually Raph’s amused voice. Leo bit back a grin. He should have known that Raph was too impatient to allow him to beat around the bush.

“No, not really,” Leo said, his eyes on the cylinder in emerald green turtle’s hands, mildly pondering at its use before it moved out of his sightline. “Just wondering how everything’s coming along.”

Raph snorted rudely, not taking his own eyes off of what he was doing. “Everythin’s comin’ along great, Fearless. Just doin’ a tune up, nothin’ major.” He looked up then, his face a mixture of amusement and suspension. “So just cuz Don’s sick of yer hovering, ya thought I was a better substitute for yer motherin’?”

Leo jumped slightly, then looked a little sheepishly. “He told you about that, huh?” He hadn’t seen Don talk to Raph, or to anybody really, when they came back last night. He had shucked off his trench coat, placed it not so neatly into their clothing closet and locked himself in his lab for the rest of the night.

“Ha!” the normally surly turtle commented, “He don’t need ta. It’s obvious he’s tryin’ ta avoid ya.”

Yeah, Leo’s noticed that too. Don wouldn’t meet his eyes that morning at breakfast, and even though their resident genius still seemed to be taking his every move during practice, his gaze would always be turned away when Leo went to face him. When they were released after their meditation, Don had practically sprinted out of Dojo and the distinct sound of the lock on Don’s lab door could be heard echoing throughout the lair. Mikey looked pouty as he went back to the gaming system, perhaps he had been looking forward to bugging him, but was immediately engrossed in old school Street Fighter. Splinter had let out the tiniest of sighs before moving to kitchen to make some tea and then disappeared into his room. Raph had been the only one to appear oblivious to their bright brother’s flight and had gone directly to the garage. Obviously, Raph had been more in tune than he was letting on.

“Ya have ta stop babyin’ him, Leo,” Raph continued, his eyes and most of his attention now back on the bike. “He’d been kept on such a tight leash dat da second he got it off, he went back ta his old ways. Dere ain’t nothing dat’ll ever change that. He’s like a mountain, unchangin’ an’ ummovable. Ya try ta chip away from dat, he’ll start disappearin’ and he won’t be da same turtle anymore. An’ he won’t thank ya for it, neither.”

Leo blinked. Raph wasn’t as stupid as he would let everyone to believe, but metaphors and idioms had never been his strong suit. Raph knew what he wanted to say and would just say it. He would bypass the flowy and lyrical speech and went straight for the jugular. When Raph talked like this, it meant he had given the subject a lot of thought. Raph hadn’t been completely innocent in the hovering department, and would sometimes do it with less finesse that Splinter or Leo would do it. He had obviously seen the error of his ways and was trying to atone for his part in this by turning his protective behavior around on the others, shielding the others away from Don as opposed to around him. It made Leo’s heart swell with pride at his brother’s actions. Raph was really growing into his role as protector, and it made his decision to choose him as his successor easier.

“Yeah,” Leo said, finally answering his brother’s words of advice. “I’ll try to work on that.”

Raph snorted again, replacing the cylinder on the cycle after giving it a vigorous cleaning. He grabbed the wrench laying on his left and started loosening some bolts.

“Yeah, ya’re like a Mama Bear, overprotectiveness is yer second nature. I’m sure we’d all think ya’d gone crazy if ya weren’t overbearin’ at times. Just tone it down, will ya? Ya’re makin’ everyone paranoid right along wit ya.”

“I’m not paranoid!” Leo was quick to state, but he knew there was truth in that statement. He could act paranoid at time, especially now that he has the fight looming over his head, but is it really paranoid if really is someone out to get him?

“No?” Raph asked, lowering the tool he had in his hand away from his bike and full on stared at the turtle hovering above him. “Ya mean to tell me yer not at all concerned dat da Foot is plannin’ somethin’?”

Leonardo fought very hard to physically react to that statement. He avoided clenching his fists or his teeth, but he felt his eyes widen slightly and knew his brother saw it based on the smirk that spread across his face.

“Yeah, I thought so.” Raph gave a huff of a laugh before going back to his work.

Leo fumed silently for a second, upset that he allowed a reaction to come through his carefully crafted façade. Now he felt compelled to gather intel, to see how much Raph knew or suspected.

“What makes _you_ think the Foot are up to something?” he asked, narrowing his eyes down at his brother.

The second the question left his mouth, he knew it was the wrong way to approach this conversation. He had been too rattled, too defensive, and even in his own ears he sounded condescending. His brother, ever volatile and so quick to perceive a threat, heard that tone in Leo’s voice and his hackles rose. The smirk had been wiped from his face and his eyes glinted with a hot flame. The bike that was resting between them was now all forgotten by his red-masked brother as he threw down his wrench and rose to his feet.

“What the hell is dat supposed ta mean?”

There was no way for Leo to hide the wince. He needed to defuse this, and quickly.

“Raph, I didn’t mean-“

“What? Ya think I’m stupid or somethin’?” Raph’s voice boomed in the open space, making it echo like thunder during a storm. Leo remembered being fearful of thunderstorms as a child, as the sound would reverberate through the sewer tunnels. He would think there was a monster coming after him and his family and he didn’t know how to defend them from it.  Right now, right in front of him, he had a different type of monster to deal with. One born from years of battling against his perceived self-worth and envy.

Raphael grew up as the typical ‘middle child’ and carried all the baggage that that title entailed. He often felt overshadowed by his brothers’ accomplishments and triumphs. Leonardo was the oldest, and the leader. He was Sensei’s protégé, the ultimate ninja, and a perfectionist. He strove to be the best at everything he tried and to accept anything but first place was considered a failure. He shouldered majority of the responsibilities that came with his role, rarely asking for help. Michelangelo was the baby and was treated like one. Any transgressions he made were almost readily forgiven due to his childlike and playful nature. He was also naturally athletic and would probably be the best fighter of them all if he would only apply himself.  He almost had no responsibilities, and asked for none.

Finally, while Donatello also shared the middle child title, his own intelligence set him apart from the others. Don was a prodigy, having mastered many academic tracks before he even could reach the top shelf in the refrigerator. His natural gift of linguistics, mathematics, and mechanics rivaled the top minds in the world. He had no equal and therefore was on his own level when it came to sibling hierarchy.

Against such three brothers, Raph naturally felt unequal and left out. He often felt ignored and invisible in their small family, and so he lashed out. The social dynamics of the family made a rebel out of him and he fought tooth and nail to gain some attention of his own. He was positively thirsty for their father’s affection, his older brother’s acceptance, and his younger brothers’ admiration. He threw tantrums, bullied, pushed, shouted, everything to be the center of it all for once, and it had caused a lot of grief before Raphael learned to control his need for visibility.

He didn’t know what the pressures of being the leadership had caused Leo, the realizations of never being taken seriously Mikey had felt, or the lonely price Don had paid for his intelligence until Raph was older and by then his personality had been set to a default of anger and self-loathing. He never saw what his own contribution was to the family, and therefore had always counted himself as the low man on the totem pole.

What Raph never realized, as many other people who have said that idiom, is that the low man on a totem pole was just as important as any of the other part. In some cases, it could be argued that without that low man, the totem pole could not stay up right, that they need that one man to hold them up. Others would actually say it was the most important part of the pole. When the indigenous people had carved the totem, they had to start from the bottom and move up to the top, and often the bottom was sometimes the best carved part due to the most professional carver would work or supervise it. Raph was their low man, the one that would hold them up in times of crisis. He was their protector, their stronghold, and his fiery attitude kept them grounded. With him around, Leo was kept on his toes, Mikey was always kept on solid ground, and Don was forced out of his self-seclusion. Regardless of how much Leo tried, he knew that Raph was more like their master than he was.

Leo remembered vaguely moments from their childhood when Splinter had lost his patience, having been made to raise four infant turtles all of a sudden without guidance. There had been a few swatted bottoms and loud reprimands before Splinter had finally settled into being a ninja master and used martial arts as both a learning tool and a punishment maker. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Raphael settled himself and become the remarkable mutant their father was. Until then, they were tasked to quiet the oncoming storm before it blew their family away.

Leo raised his hands up in surrender, “No, of course not, Raph. That came out wrong-“

Unfortunately, Raph was not that easily placated. “’Course I think da Foot is up ta somethin’! Dey are always up ta somethin’!” Raph backed away from his bike and started pacing the floor to alleviate the pressure building up in him. “Dat bitch Karai ain’t gonna let up, Leo. Not one bit! Not after what we had ta do wit’ her stupid father!”

A spare piece of metal was suddenly kicked across the garage, becoming the latest victim of Raph’s rage. Leo followed him slightly, trying to make sure that they wouldn’t destroy Don’s hard work.

“Raph!” Leo tried to get his brother’s attention, but he was really on a tear now. He saw his brother clenched his fists, his arms straight down at his sides as he actively tried not to reach out and grab or punch anything. Leo was relieved to see that bit of control over his wayward brother, but didn’t know how long it would last. He needed to defuse this and quickly.

“And it didn’t help dat we broke inta her stupid headquarters ta get dat stupid thing for Bishop! She ain’t gonna let dat one down, Leo! What made ya think we could trust dat bastard after everythin’ we’ve been through wit ‘im? We barely got da cure an’ got off da base in time before he blew us all up!” His voice was getting louder and faster, his breathing was starting to become labored. “She’s out dere right now plannin’ somethin’ for us while ya sit here an’ question me! When it’s ya we should be questionin’ because yer stupid plan almost got Donnie dissected an’ us killed!”

Leo knew Raph was on a rampage now, and justifiably so. It had been a stupid plan, one borne out of fear and desperation. Had he had the time and knew how to get the resources, he wouldn’t have put his unstable brother in the hands that would have gladly taken him apart to see how he well he ticked, nor would he have lead the rest of them into a siege of Foot HQ to get some stupid medallion and stirring up Karai’s wrath yet again. He suspected that was why she had chosen her headquarters as their battleground, a way for her to force him to die where he had infiltrated twice in the past year. Raph had warned him throughout the whole ordeal about how much he thought the idea was huge mistake. The only reason, Leo thought, that Raph hadn’t brought it up since then was because had been careful at what they had told Don about his ordeal. Many things had been left out and that included the trip to Saki Enterprises. And lucky for them, Don had been so apologetic about his failings in the situation to realize that his family had been omitting large parts in their retelling of what had happened. He had been holding this in after all these months out of respect for the collective decision and the pressure was finally being released. Leo stopped holding back and leapt at his brother, grabbing onto the ranting turtle’s shoulders and pulled him to where he was facing him. He didn’t care if he got punched or tossed aside. He needed Raph to at least look at him, and see the sincerity of the words he tried to tell him.

“I’m sorry, Raph!” Leo shouted over the roar of Raph’s rage, catching the amber eyes of his brothers. “I’m sorry! You were right! You were right then, and you are right now!”

Those words were like a magic spell that quelled the rising tide. Raphael stopped mid rant and stared at his older brother in trepidation and disbelief. Leo rarely ever admitted to any wrongdoing, it was something that made extremely uncomfortable, admitting his failures. He had to be the bigger turtle here and own up to his mistakes. Silence reigned for a few moments, only being interrupted by the heaving breathings from Raph. Finally, the slowly cooling turtle spoke.

“What?” His voice sounded gruff and unsure, as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You’re right. It was a bad idea. A very bad idea. So many thing could have gone wrong and just because we got Don back and we made it out of it in once piece, doesn’t excuse the fact that it was a majorly, very, very bad idea,” Leo stated, trying to level his own breathing, hoping it would cause Raph to do the same. “But I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I would sell my soul to the devil if it meant getting Donnie back. I would go to the ends of the earth and back for him. For all of you. And I cannot regret the choices I have made, or risks I have taken, as long as in the end of the day it meant I was doing it for you.”

Raph looked both murderous and touched, his eyes a little glassy. “Even for me?”

It felt like Leo had a rock in his throat at how hopeful his brother sounded, as if he could barely believe his brother would do anything for him. The age old scars of self-worth would always be present in his tempestuous brother, and he loved him for it. Scars meant living long enough to survive.

“Of course.” Leo said it as if it was no big deal, though he knew it was. It was a very big deal to this brother in particular. “I would die for you, for any of you. I would think it be an honor to die for you.”

The red masked turtle had to turn his head away, showing great reluctance to see how his words affected him and Leo didn’t mind. He could see enough to know his words were getting through. Leo saw him swallow a few times and blink a few more before he turned back to him and gave him a slightly watery smile. “Yeah,” Raph said, his voice hoarse from yelling and emotion, “Yeah, ditto.”

Leo squeezed Raph’s shoulders before moving his hands up to the side of Raph’s face and leaned his forehead against his brother’s. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to lose sight of his brother’s face for that moment to revel in the feel of his brother’s closeness. It was so rare that they had moments like this. They were usually on opposite sides of things, always butting figurative heads over almost any subject under the sun. There was no one he wanted more at his side or to take his place but this brother right here. While, of course, Leo would want to do well to please his father and make him proud. He was driven by his love for all of his family, but it was Raphael who was his strongest motivation. Despite their tempestuous relationship, or maybe even because of it, Leo always knew he could count on Raph to push him, to keep him on his toes. He was the driving force, his reason behind his skills. Their competition made him a better fighter, a better brother, a better leader. Raphael made him face his demons and often helped him defeat them. It was his hot-tempered brother who made him know where his limits were, that gave him the strength to know when to stay within them and was ready to catch him if he chose to move beyond them.

Essentially, there would be no Leonardo if there wasn’t a Raphael.

There was no one he would want to take the reins of their Clan more than this hot-blooded, brash, and lovely brother of his. He was the protector from nightmares, he was the cornerstone of their pyramid, and he was the fire in their furnace and the blood flowing through their veins. What he said to him was true, he would gladly, and proudly, die for him. Raphael, and the rest of his brothers, would be his legacy. Leo only held his brother’s face for a moment more before he let go and took a step back, knowing that Raph would soon grow uncomfortable at their display of affection. He had a reputation to maintain, after all. Once there was an acceptable amount of space between them and Raph could look at him without frowning at his nearness, Leo felt it was safe enough to start the conversion back up.

“As far as the Foot, and what Karai is planning.” Leo was reluctant to bring it up again, but knew it needed to be said. “I know she’ll strike, and probably soon.” It was the closest he was ever going to confess to Raph about this. “But we are strong, and we’re healthy now. We’ll be ready for when that happens.”

Raph scoffed and moved further away, half turning away as if he didn’t believe what his older brother had said, but his head as turned slightly towards Leo, indicating he was still willing to listen.

Leo smile at him. “How about we go spar a little? Get some of that pent up energy out?”

Raph finally let out a grin and started to move towards the door before stopping near his slightly dismantled bike. “How ‘bout I finish up wit’ da shellcycle first, den we can duke it out.”

Leo nodded his assent and watched as Raph knelt down by his bike again. He picked up the dropped wrench and started to tighten up some screws before pausing. Suddenly, he held the wrench out to his brother and gave him a smirk. “Wanna help? It’ll make us get done faster.”

Leo’s smile faltered slightly, slightly unsure of how he liked that prospect. But he wanted to be a good sport so he took the offered tool and said, “Sure.” He knelt down beside Raph and followed Raphael’s lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raph’s accent was a bitch to write. I don’t think I’m ever gonna write out his accent again outside of this story. Guh. 
> 
> The chapter title is from the song by Muse.


	8. Chapter 7 - Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo finally is able to talk to Donnie, but is it enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys…this is the chapter that made me so proud to write this thing. I talked and planned this story for so long and when I finally got to this chapter, I felt like I could actually do this thing. I know I said Donnie is my favorite and I love it when he interacts with any of his brothers. I was close to tears writing this. 
> 
> My poor beta is still sick, so this is unbeta’d. Also, this is a long chapter. Like, long.
> 
> I also dedicate this chapter to FeeFido, whose picture inspired me to use that old Japanese saying about Donnie.

Chapter 7 – Say Something

-o-

“I can't protect you without holding a sword. I can't embrace you while holding a sword.”   
― Tite Kubo,  _Bleach Volume 05: Right Arm of the Giant_

-o-

The rest of the morning had been spent working on the shellcycle, before spending most of the afternoon in the dojo, sparring. Very little was said between the two turtles, though Leo felt that there wasn’t much left to say in that moment.

He could have easily given Raph the advice he thought he needed while dodging blows, but he knew that could have led to another argument and more questioning. Besides, even if Raph were to follow them, Leo wasn’t sure that he wanted Raph to rely on his own brand of leadership to get things done. The way Leo led was uniquely his own style and probably wouldn’t work with Raph’s personality or with the new team dynamic of a three instead of four.

He also knew that he doesn’t have to ask if Raph would look out for their family if anything were to happen to him. It was a given, an instinctive bond of trust and protection. They all knew that if something happened to one, it was job of the remaining members of their family to pick each other up and protect them at all costs. Leo didn’t need a verbal assurance that Raph would step up if needed, when Raph had already proven that a hundred times over in their short lives.

Of course, there could be other conversations, a lifetime of them that could have filled the silent dojo. More in depth details of Leo’s time with the Ancient One, reminiscence of favorite and not so favorite childhood memories, plans and goals that Raph had for the future. There was a plethora of particulars that Leo would miss in the near future, and he had to create a lifetime worth of memories in a single week. To go too strictly into what he believed he would miss felt like cheating, both for himself and for Raphael. Those conversations would be just words, and no matter how heartfelt and meaningful they would become, they could not be compared with actual events and memories made. Just talking about it, to Leo, felt like it was diminishing its meaning.

So he let silence mostly reign as they worked on the cycle and fought in the dojo. He allowed himself an eyeful of his strong and brash brother, set to memory his movements and his tells, as he had done Michelangelo while he skated. He had been lucky enough to observe both of his brothers in their element this week.

Though Michelangelo was the most naturally gifted of them all at ninjutsu and had often showed his true potential to become a master of the martial art, he was too free spirited to allow himself to be bogged down with the responsibilities that came with it. No, Mikey was the most in his element when he was doing something that truly made him happy, when he could use his natural talents to mix business and pleasure. Just being able to watch Mikey soar through the air like a bird was breathtaking. His merriment poured out of every pore and his laughter was as addicting as any drug one could choose. His essence was laughter, and light, and Leo had felt he was basking in the warm sun when he was with him. Leo knew that just skateboarding and having fun wasn’t enough for their hyperactive youngest brother, for it wouldn’t have been as fun or exciting if he hadn’t had someone to share it with. Mikey’s greatest joy was having fun with the people he loved and cared for the most in this world.  Mikey didn’t have to actually put on a show, didn’t have to go overboard in trying to cheer up his family and friends. This was genuine and purely Michelangelo.

Raphael was built to fight. His broad shoulders and wide stance projected strength. His throaty growl and strong jaw all screamed power. Raph may not be the most skilled, like him, nor the most natural, like Mikey, he found his own unique way of pushing through the stances, making them work for him and his gifts. He was an instinctual fighter, drawn from both passion and a need to prove himself. He didn’t do it because it was fun, or because he wanted to be the best. He did it because he loved his family, and wanted to be able to protect them. Even when he fought, and growled, and talked smack, one could still see the soft center he kept carefully hidden behind the wall of gruffness. It was in the way he lightened his step so that the kick he placed next wouldn’t have as much power behind it. It was the way he would quickly eye his brother over after landing a jab, making sure he hadn’t done too much damage. It was the way he would raise his masked-covered eyebrow in silent appreciation when Leo would land an impressive punch. He conveyed his gentleness in the opposite way he portrayed his curtness, silently and swiftly, often overseen behind his otherwise loud and robust temper.

Leo appreciated these moments when he could capture that essence that was his brothers, the raw and beautiful beings that they were. It would be something he take with him to the next life, a badge of honor stating he had known and loved these wonderfully imperfect beings and had been loved by them. Rather than be satisfied with the luck that had been bestowed upon him, he thirst for more. The remembrance of two of his brothers made him crave the memories of the third. Who would have thought the gentle and diplomatic of the group would be the hardest to gain access to? Leo knew that if he was going to try and make a final connection with his wayward brother, it would have to be soon. Don was being the most difficult to get ahold of. When he finished his sparring with Raph, Don hadn’t even been in the lair. Mikey had seen him leave as soon as Leo had gone to the garage to talk to Raph and never came back. Leo would have worried if not for the fact that Don had texted him just before dinner saying he would be at Leatherheads until it was time for patrol. His answering text inquiring how things were going over there had been ignored and Leo couldn’t bring himself to push. The fact that he had argued with the peaceable turtle the day before, and his most recent verbal tussle with Raph made him uneasy and unwilling to cause yet another fight.

The night had been warmer than the previous and Don didn’t even pretend to think about a coat when he returned from Leatherhead just in enough time to join them on patrol. Leo knew better than to try and pair up with Don that night and he opted to keep them as a group. It was quieter than the previous night, when they had successfully stopped the robbing of that pharmacy, but the group hadn’t seemed to mind. Raphael, after spending most of the day either working on his bike or sparring, was in a more jovial mood, and didn’t mind Mikey’s bad jokes as they jumped from roof to roof. Leo tried to join in, but his jokes were the accidently bad kind and his younger brothers laughed more at him than his jokes. Don had been the only one to stay quiet throughout the run, appearing preoccupied for the most part. Leo was very grateful for the lack of action that night because he wasn’t sure Don would be all there to help them in the situation. He was starting to look rundown again and Leo knew that if he said anything, he would be on the receiving end of Don’s extremely sharp tongue. It as one thing to get into an argument in private, despite how he wanted to avoid even that, but to try something in front of the others, questions would start to arise and it was the very last thing Leo needed when he was practically at the eve of his mission.

Don had, predictably, returned to his lab upon their return and didn’t come out until right before practice the next morning. His family watched as he downed half a pot of coffee and a couple pieces of toast before he followed them into the dojo. Everyone eyed him, slightly worried, but if he was aware that he had had everyone’s attention, he never let on. He just watched intently as they went through their katas and their sparring session.

Despite how tired he looked, Donnie had done well that day, having finally branched out of his own personal preferences of stances to some that Leo had mastered early on. It worked a little differently with a bo staff, but it was a great defensive maneuver and he had thoroughly thrashed Mikey during their bout when the younger turtle tried to get around Don’s defenses, which gave Don the opening he needed to turn the defensive move to an offensive one.  Mikey had been on the ground in no time flat and had stayed there in amazement for a few moments while Splinter had called an end to the match and praised Donatello for his technique.

Don had beamed at his master, and grinned sheepishly at Raph’s whoops of delight. When his eyes finally met Leo, who was giving him a proud nod, his grin faltered for a moment, before coming back gently.  Don’s eyes were still guarded, but they were more willing to meet his brother’s own than he had been in the past few days, and Leo knew that the time to talk to him would be soon. As they left the dojo, Leo’s attention had been caught by Mikey, who was claiming to be suffering from hurt pride and he needed his big brother to make it all better. It was a hard request to ignore, so Leo allowed his baby brother to pull him into the kitchen for some experimental pizza ingredients time while Don holed himself back up in his lab.

After hours of cooking and several questionable pizza toppings that had Leo wanting to eat nothing but cereal for the rest of his life, he was finally released from Mikey’s “care” and went in search of his second youngest brother.

Leo was both relieved and slightly worried when he found him still in his lab. His door had been closed, but not locked, and he knocked, letting himself in after Don’s muffled permission to enter. The blue-masked turtle always felt slightly overwhelmed when he walked into Don’s new lab. The walls were covered with experiments and computers, much like the garage. Gutted machine parts, broken appliances, and several chemistry sets lined the mismatched tables and counters he had installed. To them, it just looked like Don had placed items will-nilly, but Don had a special system that Raph liked to call “Organized Chaos.” He had a specific reason to put things where he had, and it would ruin his almost OCD process if someone were to move it even an inch from where he placed it. Don relied on his eidetic memory to get around his work areas due to him almost always multi-tasking and not wanting to bother in stopping to actually look at what he’s grabbing. With the potentially lethal stuff Don liked to have around, they do not want to go messing with his stuff. Because whatever had blown up hadn’t killed anyone yet, they would wish it had after Don got through with them.

Speaking of their resident inventor, he was currently bent over his computer desk, looking at what appeared to be the schematics for an apartment building. Don looked over his shoulder to see who had entered, barely catching Leo’s eyes before silently returning to what he had been doing. He sighed, as if he was resigned to his fate. While it wasn’t exactly an engraved invitation, Leo moved closer until he was right behind his brother and watched as Don started jotting down some notes about the roof of said apartment building. It appeared to be one of those high priced condo places, with a pool on the roof. A quick look at the paper that Don was writing on showed what appeared to be the height and length of the building, the depth of the pool, and the distance it was away from something that hadn’t been clarified in the notes he was seeing.

“Looking for a new place to live?” Leo joked, trying to ease into the conversation with humor. Comedy had never been one of his strong suits, and he didn’t need the reflection in the computer to know that Don had rolled his eyes at him and he remained quiet.

Since Don didn’t offer up any explanation, Leo felt compelled to inquire about it. “What’s all this?”

Silence reigned for a few moments as Don wrote down another note, but it was in his special shorthand that after all these years nobody had been able to crack. Leo wasn’t even sure it was an actual human language. Then Don decided to pipe up as soon as he was finished with that particular thought.

“I’m thinking about places we could put security cameras so we can keep track of the goings-on at Foot HQ.” His voice was quiet, barely audible over the sound of multiple pc fans whirling. “I’ve been trying to keep a look out through security footage from surrounding business and traffic cameras, but it would save us time and effort if I didn’t have to hack into them each time. It’s fine to hack into a system once or twice, but multiple times not only causes a trail that could lead someone back to my servers, but it weakens the other party’s own defenses and allows someone much more with much more nefarious intentions easier access.”

The idea was brilliant, thoughtful, and so very much like Don. It would be their brainy brother who would look at things from every multitude of angles while coming up with a plan. When Leo looked back at the building plan, he finally noted the address of the building and indeed, it was only one block away from the Saki Tower. Noting the floors, he knew it several stories shorter than Karai’s building, but it would give them a good vantage point. He looked at the note about the pool and asked about that. “What’s with the pool?”

Don rolled his shoulders, a sure sign of oncoming impatience but the turtle answered anyway. “If I’m going to put the camera on the roof, I need to know the splash area around the pool to know where best to place the camera. Of course, I will be making it water and weather proof, but the chlorine in the pool could still cause some damage.”

Leo nodded, drumming his fingers slightly on the back of Don’s chair. It was a great strategy, and it appeared to him that Don had the planning well in hand, but he worried about the timing of it. He didn’t want Don to be anywhere near the Foot tower when he went to meet Karai. “When do you plan on implementing this? Surely the pool isn’t an issue at the moment due to the season.”

Don grimaced, probably at the mention of the season. It probably reminded him of their argument the other day. “I’m still in the planning stages. I haven’t even gotten all the components to make the cameras yet. I’m not even sure how many cameras I’ll be using yet so there is no point of even gathering the materials until then. This building,” Don stated, motioning towards the screen with blueprints, “is just one of many buildings that we could use as posts. I’ll need to do a little bit more digging before I finalize anything. And besides,” Don said, his voice indicating he was ready to change the subject, “the pool’s heated.”

“Oh,” Leo said, making sure to hide the relief in his voice and just watched Don start circulating through some more floor plans silently.

After a few more minutes, the purple-masked turtle took down one more notation that Leo couldn’t read before he placed the pen down and turned slightly to his older brother.

“Are you going tell me the reason for your visit soon? Because I still have a lot of work to do.”

Leo couldn’t stop from jumping at the question. True, Don was usually direct with them, much like Raph like that. Beating around the bush wasn’t really his style because he usually had too much to do or too much to say to allow time to be wasted with empty words. The tone had been exasperated and dismissive and Leo had a feeling that Don thought he was hovering because he was worried about him. (Which was true, but that was only because he was _always_ worried about Don. It was his nature.) So Leo knew he had to direct the conversation into another direction before it started to escalate into what had happened during patrol.

Just as he was opening his mouth, something caught the corner of Leo’s eye and diverted his attention. “Are those my katanas?”

Don looked startled at the change of topic and turned quickly to the corner of the lab, where Leo’s extra pair of katanas laid there on the table. “Um, yeah,” Don said, his voice sounded confused. “I’m repairing them. I’ve been systematically taking everyone’s extra weapons and making sure they’re still in working condition.”

The tone in Don’s voice made him feel like he should have known this and that brought Leo up short a little. He knew that Don was a master bladesmith, despite his weapon of choice being made of wood, so it made sense that he would work on their weapons when not in use. He had to have known that Don did this, right? The thought of not realizing something like this about his brother, even as minor as this, made him feel uneasy. What else has he missed?

“You came here about the katanas?” Don inquired after a few moments of silence, when Leo was still pondering about the weapons. The question snapped Leo out of his musings.

“No, I-“ He cleared his throat, slightly put off by the sudden changes he experienced. “No, I wanted to say, I’m sorry, Don,” Leo figured that he should start with an apology and they’d work their way up from there.

Don blinked up at him as Leo paused to gather his thoughts. “To what are you apologizing for, exactly?” Don asked softly. The request felt open ended, as if there had been more than his family’s recent overprotectiveness he was inquiring about. Of course, Leo could be just reading too much into it. Don was a direct turtle, rarely did he play mind games with his brother despite his ability to do so. So Leo took a deep breath and pushed on.

“I’m sorry if you felt like we were babying you. I’m sorry if we made you feel weak, or inferior in anyway.” Because that had been a large problem during their childhood. Leo and Raph, and even Mikey to an extent, had felt it was their job to protect their academically gifted but at times health challenged brother. The earlier days, before Don’s gifts with electronics and medicines had allowed for better living environment, Don had gotten sick a lot. It would seem like he had just gotten over a cold when he would catch the flu, or would injure himself when one of his experiments backfired. His constant bouts of illnesses and injuries had made him fall behind in their ninja training and his skill set suffered for it. They had automatically assumed he was the weakest of the four and had treated him as such, refusing to allow him to do the heavy lifting or letting him play the more active games with them. It didn’t help that he had also been the one that had the most problems with ninjutsu, unable to move as gracefully as Leo, as powerful as Raph, or as natural as Mikey. It had caused a mental block that Master Splinter to this day was trying to fix.  

Don, however, was the epitome of the Japanese proverb, “fall down seven times, get up eight.” It didn’t matter how down and out he appeared, he would always get right back up and try again. It was Don’s determination and tenacity that was the groundwork for his martial art skills, not his advance brain power. Sure, he used his smarts to help himself get out of situations that others would have fallen to, but it usually takes more than a great mind to be able to put his plans into action and persevere.  He never gave up, and would never let his family give up either. Don, whether he believed it or not, was an essential key proponent to how well this team worked. Even if he had been as dumb as a brick, his driving force would have kept them going long into the night.

“It was never our intentions to do anything but love and care for you. I’ll apologize ten times over for every time I’ve ever made you feel bad for being who you are, or what had happened with the Outbreak.” Leo looked down at his brother, trying to read the multitude of emotions swimming in those brown eyes. “But I’m not sorry I did it. I can’t apologize for something I felt, and still feel, like it was the right thing to do. Leatherhead had told us that there were possibilities of a relapse, that the Utrom mutagen would make the cure work differently for you. One wrong move, and you would collapse. If you collapse, we collapse.”

Don looked up at his eldest brother and Leo couldn’t tell if it was the monitors that were making his eyes look glassy or unshed emotion. He placed a hand on the olive skinned shoulder and squeezed it gently.

“We came so very close to losing you, Donnie,” Leo whispered, his voice heavy with emotion. “So, so very close. I couldn’t bear it if we let you do too much, too soon, and you’d deteriorate. We- _I_ just couldn’t take that chance.”

Something else had bubbled up inside of him and he couldn’t hold back the words that came out next. “I told myself a long time ago, when Splinter appointed me leader, that I would do anything to keep you guys safe. _Anything_ , Donnie. I would walk through the fires of hell and make a deal with the devil to ensure your health and happiness. I can’t change that about myself, Don. I wouldn’t even know how to try.” It was as close to a confession as he would allow himself, the closest he would ask for forgiveness until it was all over. His eyes took in the visage of his brother, looking for mercy in his kind and clever face. “Please understand that, Little Brother”

“I do, Leo.” Don’s own voice was thick, as if he was trying to swallow some cotton that had gotten stuck in his throat. “Believe me, I do.”

He gulped a few times before continuing. “I appreciate everything you do for us, the sacrifices you have made and the responsibilities you’ve had to shoulder by yourself. I can’t imagine… but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. We’re older now, we are capable to take on some of those responsibilities for you.”

Leonardo knew this. He knew that his brothers were more than willing to take on some of the burdens he’s had to deal with since Splinter had given him the leadership title. There were times when those encumbrances weighed so heavy he didn’t know if he could keep afloat the raging river that was their life. He was especially feeling it right now, with this suicidal mission he had thrust upon himself. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to confess all of it, the letter, the fight, how he thought a week would be enough to be able to say goodbye to the ones he loved and make it out at the end. He wanted to confess his fears and doubts and beg his bright brother to never let him out of his sight ever again. To make his brother stop him from doing something so brave and yet so stupid.

He held his tongue as Don continued. The wheels had been set in motion for this a long time ago and it was already too late to stop them now.

“But Leo,” Don said, and his voice was earnest. “You have to let us go at some point, much like when Master Splinter finally let us out on our own. You can’t protect us from all the boogiemen of the world, Leo. We have proven time and again that the best way for us to learn our lessons has been the hard way. You and Master Splinter are excellent teachers, but experience is even more so.”

“So,” Leo said, with a smile that was both warm and sad, “You’re saying back off a little?”

Don’s grin came easily, and it was like a tall glass of water after a walk through the desert. If Mikey’s smiles were the sun, Don’s was the North Star. It was the focal point in the velvety sky and never failed to guide his family home.  

“Yes,” he said, and he looked appreciative, but there was a shadow still lurking in the depth of Don’s eyes that he couldn’t place. “But don’t back off too far, Leo. Despite everything, we still need you here.”

That last comment made Leo pause for a moment, trying to understand what he had meant by that. Then Don turned back to the computer, with his shoulders perhaps appearing a little lighter, and continued on his work. So Leo let it go.

Based on the conversation that had just taken place, Leo knew he was being dismissed. If Don had required his assistance or had wanted him to stay and help, he would have just said so.

So Leo turned to go, despite still feeling that things were not finished with his brother. He wanted more time, he wanted a chance for a proper goodbye and a chance impart a fragment of himself with him as he felt he had done with Mikey and Raph. These words of apology were not the last ones he wanted to leave his brother, but he knew better than to push his luck and his brother’s patience. He would have to count his blessings he was able to connect with him at all, despite how brief it was. He would have to be satisfied with the chances life gave him. He had been playing with fate as it was, taking the time to do this. He couldn’t push his luck any further.

Plus, the leaf green turtle had a feeling that if he stayed longer, Don’s inviting essence would make him spill his deepest and darkest secrets and then things would really stall.

Leonardo got to the door of the lab, and turned back to watch his brother work for a moment, his silhouette almost motionless against the backlight of his monitors. He stopped there, waiting to see if Don would say something, say anything, to prolong this contact, to not have this be how their last one-on-one interaction would end, but the genius was truly in the zone now, it seemed, for Don remained resolutely silent, staring ahead at his computers.

A heavy feeling started to settle on Leo’s heart, wondering if this was the last time he was going to be alone with his brother. It made him think of the last time he had saw April and Casey, in the living room of their apartment watching The Wizard of Oz on the TV Don himself had built for them. It was a movie reminiscent his childhood, having read it several times before their father had brought down a battered copy of The Three Musketeers.  He remembered at the time while reading it he had associated each of Dorothy’s travel companions with his brothers, as a way to better understand both the book and his brothers in general.

The Cowardly Lion had always reminded him of their baby brother. As the baby, Mikey had been treated as such, and got the blunt of all of their worry and concern. With three big brothers looking after him, and being accustomed to being spoiled, Mikey would act a little reluctant to place himself in danger naturally, especially if it meant monsters and other more supernatural figures. It wasn’t exactly cowardly, but there have been many times in the past that he would show his concern over a mission because it would mean jumping out of his comfort zone. Just like the Cowardly Lion, Mikey had stepped up time and again when he was needed. He was braver than he was ever given credit for, and Leo knew there were many times they would have been goners if it had not been their youngest.

Raph was the Tin Man, no doubt. He may have had a hard exterior, and appeared cold as metal at times, but Raph’s big heart was undoubtedly his best feature. His heart was so filled with love that it made him fire hot with need to protect his family. For a turtle who said he didn’t care about a lot of what is said to him or what the world has done to them, he sure does follow his heart. In the movie, the Wizard had told the Tin Man that he had been lucky to not have a heart, but the Tin Man was still wanted one, even if it were to break. Raph may sometimes feel overwhelmed with pains and suffering of this world that the people they saved may never truly appreciate the sacrifices he has made for them, but he continued on with it, continued to fight for it.  

Donnie, their sweet and kindhearted Donnie. He was the Scarecrow, who had thought that without his brain he was useless, but had turned out to be the best of companions even without one.  Don had proven time and again that he was smart, that he was gifted, and he thought that was all he was good for in this world. Don was more than his brain capacity, though, more than what he could build from scraps and junk tossed aside by the human race. He was more than numbers and elbow grease. He was their steady rock in the sea, their shelter from the storm, and their most trustworthy fellow traveler. Don was as steadfast comrade to Leo as Scarecrow was to Dorothy. Leo felt he gained more from Don’s steady companionship than any tool or weapon he could have built them. His unwavering dedication to his family and friends was what made Don worth his weight in gold and Leo wouldn’t have had it anyway.

These three brothers of his had been his travel companions in this life, from the pet shop to battle and everything else in between, helping take down their own Wicked Witch of the West. Their courage, their thoughts, and their love had lifted him up from deepest pits he could have dug himself and Leo couldn’t have imagined better brothers he could have spent all that time with. If this really was the end of the line, he couldn’t have scripted a better ending than where he could make sure that all those dreams and hopes that they had for the future would be easier to obtain, one way or another. So Leo stared one last time to his amazing compassionate and gifted brother and thought, ‘I think I’m going to miss you most of all, Scarecrow,’ before exiting out of the lab door and closed it behind him.

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved watching the Wizard of Oz as a child and I always had a special love for the Scarecrow. But oddly enough, it was NCIS that actually sparked this chapter, when Tony DiNozzo told EJ Barrett that line “I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow” in the twelfth episode of season 9, “Housekeeping.” 
> 
> The title chapter comes from the song by A Great Big World.


	9. Chapter 8 - Call To Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm, just enough time for Leo to reflect and play a little game with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, because it was part of a larger chapter and was broken down. It also has very little substance, more of a filler because of it. It’s cute, short, and sweet. Enjoy.

Chapter 8 – Call to Arms

-o-

When brothers agree, no fortress is so strong as their common life.  
 **-Antisthenes**  

-o-

Leonardo had decided the remainder of the day to be in seclusion. His abbreviated conversation with the quietest of the clan had left him feeling emotionally drained, and he needed to meditate on what had transpired in the lab. That had definitely not been the conversation he had wanted with his little brother, but honestly, it probably was for the best. He knew his plan would be in jeopardy if he interacted too long with the quick-witted turtle.  As it were, the conversation had already made misgivings rear its ugly, causing paranoia to run rapid throughout his mind and made his heart race. Leo and doubt were old companions. It had been his longest relationship he had outside of his brothers and father. Even before he took up the leadership mantle, he had been plagued with misgivings about the choices he made.

When the four turtles had been younger, one of their favorite games to together had been follow the leader, where they would move around the tunnels in a line, mimicking the first turtle’s moves and words. One time, Leonardo had been deemed the leader right after Raphael. The red-bandana wearing turtle had been reluctant to give up the leadership role and had given Leo a hard time, stating that he was going to be _so_ boring. Leo, who wanted to prove that he wasn’t boring, had tried to make it as interesting, and as dangerous as possible. They had fun at first, jumping over debris, wading across deeper trenches than ever before, and racing across pipelines. They had fun right up until they started climbing up some broken pipes. Leo and Raph had made it with no problems, but their luck had run out once Mikey was halfway up and Don had started after him. The pipe Mikey had grabbed to lift himself up had already been weakened by the two turtles in above him and broke as put most of his weight on it. Mikey had fallen and knocked into Donnie before they both hit the ground. Mikey had sprained his wrist and Donnie had gotten his second concussion of that month. (The first had been when Raph had knocked him out during practice with a bokken, on _accident_.)

The guilt had eaten up the leaf-green turtle. He had felt how unstable the pipe had been when he had went up, but when both Raph and he had gotten up without a problem, he had pushed it out of his mind. His mind had already been on planning their next obstacle when Mikey had started up.  Splinter hadn’t been angry, just disappointed that they had done something dangerous and worried about the wellbeing of his injured sons. None of them had been punished, but Leo had volunteered for babysitting duty anyway, getting everything Mikey requested and kept Donatello awake all night, despite how tired he got. He had be reluctant, after that, to play the game as leader. Both Mikey and Donnie had forgiven him, almost instantly, but it had made him hyper aware of how his decisions had affected others.

That had be the catalyst for almost all of his future decision making. He had paid no mind to his doubt that one time, he wouldn’t make that mistake ever again. It was healthy, he had learned, to have a little bit of self-doubt. Doubt allowed him to look at the situation from all angles, helped him figure out which choices were the best for the given situation, and made him a better leader for it. It kept him humble and non-complacent in his decisions, because the decisions he makes now are not those of his youth. The broken pipe wouldn’t lead to a concussion and a twisted wrist, it could very well lead to the death of one or all of them.  

There was a fine line, however, between respecting his fears and allowing them to consume him, and he was straddling that line right now.  His conversation with Donnie had ripped open the carefully sealed container where he kept his worries until he was ready to pursue them. He was confronted by them now, and all he could think was all the things that could go wrong with his plan. Had he been stupid to think he could do this on his own? He had made every decision in this on his own, afraid of what his family’s reaction to the ultimatum Karai had given him. He knew they would have tried to stop him, and he just couldn’t allow that to happen.

Should he even be contemplating abiding by Karai’s rules? Raphael had criticized his beliefs about Karai from the start, telling him he was a fool to believe anything the daughter of Oroku Saki had ever said. Her most recent attack on them, the one that had destroyed their lair and had tried very hard to kill each and every last one, had done nothing to prove her honor to the Hamato clan. There was still a small part of Leo that believed in Karai, as he had done in the past. It wasn’t love, he knew for sure. Any romantic feels he had once had for her were long buried, but they had shared a connection, something deep that couldn’t be ignored. That was why he had allowed her to live after she had attacked his family, even though he was well within his duty to watch her burn to the ground for the fear she had caused him upon his return from Japan. He may be foolish, and there was the possibility that he was walking into a trap, but that feeling was still there. He had to listen to it just as much as he had to listen to his uncertainties.

Mixed in with these doubts and Karai’s honor was the driving force behind the decision: the protection of his family. He has proven time and again he would do what it takes to ensure their safety, even if it costs him his life. As he had told Donnie, he couldn’t apologize for doing something he truly believes will benefit them in the long run, no matter how many feelings got hurt or who got mad at him. This decision, it was more than about feelings or anger. This was literally about life or death. Would his family would truly appreciate the sacrifice he was willing to make if he wasn’t there to revel in it, especially if they felt they were not a part of the decision making? All of these different factions warred in his head, and his heart, and caused him the emotional turmoil. It wasn’t as if these were new concerns. These were the exact things he thought he had tackled when he had made the initial decision to accept Karai’s request and had chosen to keep his family in the dark in the same breath. He wasn’t sure why they kept on coming up time and again, especially when it was so close to the actual event that would change the lives of them all. He didn’t need to show uncertainty, no matter how in tune he was with his self-doubts.

His ponderings had lasted the rest of the day and well into the night. He had called off patrol, feeling that it was best to keep it as spontaneous as possible in case anyone of their enemies were keeping track from a distance their habits. Plus, the temperature had dropped again and there was no way he wanted yet another argument with a specific turtle who didn’t like their choice of fashion coats. (Okay, Leo knew that was mean and petty, but he was becoming irritable with the questions that Don had raised within himself and he couldn’t help himself.)

After a very restless night, where he had decided to practice his katas in his room rather than toss and turn on his futon, Leo had decided that he could hold out no longer in getting advice. Master Splinter had claimed over and over again that he wasn’t the all-knowing being that Leo had sometimes portrayed him to be, but he couldn’t think of a more astute being he could entrust his raging conflicts. Besides, with the sun just starting to rise on the eve of battle, it was time to have one final talk with his father before he met with Karai. He had also decided that they would try to spend as much of the day together, but he wasn’t the best creating group events without making it sound like an order. It was difficult to even talk to even talk to each of his brothers with Donnie hiding in his lab or Raph decided that punching bag needed to be restuffed, but after lunch, Leo had found an ally in his youngest brother, who had grown too bored with his video games again.

“Game night!” Mikey shouted out as the table started to clear, before either Don or Raph could escape back into their corners.

Don blinked at his younger brother. “But it’s only the afternoon,” he said, confusion laced his voice. There were times when Don was either way too into his headspace or too tired that he would take everything said to him in the literal sense. Most times, it was humorous, others, it made his family worry. Leo noted the drooping shoulders of their smart brother and knew that he must have stayed up all night as well.

Raphael just groaned and moved to get up, regardless of what Mikey said, but Leo beat him. “That’s a great idea, Mikey,” Leo said, giving his brother a winning smile, ignoring the narrowing of Raph’s eyes at him, and turned to Master Splinter, who was making more tea. “How about it, Sensei? Wanna join us for some family game time?”

Splinter looked back at the hopeful looks on Mikey and Leo’s face (the former being much more pleading), to Don’s still confused look, and finally took in Raph’s frown and gave his sons a smile.

“What a splendid idea,” Splinter said. “If Donatello would be so kind to record my soaps for me to watch at a later time, I would love to play some games with you, my sons.”

Michelangelo let out a whoop before dashing off to the closet that held all the games that they had acquired throughout the years. Raph groaned but acquiesced, moving slowly to the living room where Mikey had started setting down several board games. Don had finally caught up with the conversation and frowned slightly. He turned his head longingly at his lab and sighed wearily, catching Splinter’s attention. He gave a gentle smile to his second to youngest son and placed a warm paw on his olive-skinned forearm.

“Your work can keep for a few hours, my son. Do not make a recluse of yourself for our benefit.” Don stared down at his master, an uncertain look crossed his face. Before either Leo or Splinter could comment, a soft smile spread across the intellectual’s face before nodding and moving to the living room to do as Splinter had requested about recording the rat’s shows.

“Master, why don’t I finish with the tea and you go join the others?” Leo inquired, “I’ll bring it in as soon as it’s finished.”

Splinter turned his attention from Donatello, who was currently fiddling with the TV remote to his eldest and gave him a searching look. For a moment, Leo felt as if his father was reading the deepest, darkest reaches of his mind, searching for clues that he would rather kept hidden.  The moment passed just as sudden as it came, and Splinter was nodding pleasantly.

“Yes, thank you, my son,” Splinter said before moving into the living room and sitting on the chair that had been claimed for himself.

Leonardo stood at the lip of the kitchen, watched his brothers start setting up the Monopoly board and wait for them to settle in. Raph and Mikey already started bickering on who was going to be the car. (“But you’re always the car! You be the shoe this time!” “I’ll only take the shoe so I can shove it up your-“ “Raphael!” “Sorry, Sensei…”) Don had used the distraction from the other two to grab the wheelbarrow for himself and passed the top hat to Master Splinter, their favorite pieces respectfully.

By the time tea was finished, Mikey had backed down from the car fight and was making little barking noises as he set up his dog on Start. Leo set a fresh cup of tea in front of Master Splinter before settling down himself, noticing that all five pieces were already on the board. Leo took note of the Thimble, his own preferred game piece and looked up at Donatello, who gave him a small smile. It was such a minor thing, really. They had played this game a hundred times over, but even now, after all that had happened, the fights, the displacements, something as small as a tiny thimble could move Leo to the core.

Leo could only share that one brief moment of gratitude with his brother before their attention got diverted with Mikey handing the banking duties off to Donatello. Just like almost everything else that had happened in the past week, it had left Leo wanting for more. But Leo had resigned himself, not allowing himself to dwell on things that were beyond his control and focus more on what was going on hand. It was a given he would want more, but there was no use in missing out what he could have by moping about instead of enjoying the remaining time he had left with his family.

They played games throughout the rest of the day. The first monopoly game had lasted over an hour, with it coming down to a glorious battle between Donatello and Raphael, in which the latter finally won because of all the hotels he had built on his properties. Leo had been the first player out, but didn’t minded as much as he had in the past. Leo normally hated losing, it went against his basic nature. He wanted to be the best at everything he had ever tried. He knew it was partially because of the recognition he gained from his achievements, but he couldn’t help himself sometimes. The competition was almost as fun as the game itself. This was a time for reflection, and observing, so Leo fought down his need for perfection and watched how his brothers and father interact with each other during this fun time.

Their next monopoly game was shorter, and this time Donnie had won. Then they moved onto Sorry, and the whole family sure did feel sorry after Mikey beat them three times in a row. Everyone but Donatello was allowed to play poker, because he was a dirty cheat and counted cards. He ended up being the dealer and be accused of cheating for Splinter, who had trounced them all and taken all of their candy. They played game after game, and laughing and jeering at each other (aside from Master Splinter, of course), and slowly Don stopped look at his lab, Raph stop frowning, Mikey became calmer, Splinter looked younger, and Leo had forgotten in those hours what exactly laid ahead of him the next day. All the fears, all the doubts had melted away and he spent that time just taking in the love and joy his family created.

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved the monopoly scene, and I thought about writing a little bit of reflection from Leo’s point of view on why each person picked their piece but decided against it. But I will share my thoughts about them here.
> 
> Raph: He got that car because, yeah, he’ll always get the car. He loves the mechanics of vehicles and if they had a motorbike, I would have given him.
> 
> Mikey: The dog because he’s playful and loving, like a dog is. It completely fits his personality.
> 
> Splinter: Top hat because he’s the head of the family, the father, and the most gentlemanly of them.
> 
> Donnie: The wheelbarrow, the only tool game piece. Don’s a handy turtle, he love his tools, he loves using his tools, and he loves what he is able to make with those tools. It is also a tie in to the fact that he’s the workhorse of the family.
> 
> Leo: It was hard for me to pick between the thimble and the ship. For the ship, it would be because he’s the leader, the captain, per say, and in this story, he’s willing to go down with the ship to protect his crew/family. But I went with the thimble for two reasons. One, it’s elegant, and if there is a turtle in the group that has an appreciation for elegance its Leo. My headcanon is that Leo has a liking crafts such as calligraphy and origami making. Another part is that the thimble is for protection and that was Leo is trying to do, protect his family. 
> 
> The game closet idea is mine. We have a game closet at home where all our games were put in there and we’d take them out for family time. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song by Angels & Airwaves.


	10. Chapter 9 - The Riddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a father and son bonding moment, Leo realizes what he really wants from his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Leo and Splinter interaction! Father-son time! Whoot! And we’re almost done with this story! I realized I should have put a few warnings, such as, this is not a Karai friendly story. And that this story, because it is the first part, will be ending in a cliff hanger. But, as I said before, the other half is mostly written, now only the epilogue is left to finish. Half of it is actually done, I just have to transpose it onto the computer. This new job is kicking my leisure time’s butt.
> 
> EDIT 3/17/2015: Beta'd.

Chapter 9 – The Riddle

-o-

“I have found the very best way to advise your children is to find out what they want to do and advise them to do it. “  
– President Harry Truman

-o-

They played well through supper time, having Mikey toss in a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven while they were playing RISK and ate while Leo had demolished all his brothers’ armies over and over again. None of them seemed to want the fun to stop, but it eventually, it had to. The day had grown late, no chores had been done and Splinter had claimed he was tired and needed to turn in for the night. Don had immediately jumped up then, bid his father goodnight before running to his lab. Mikey and Raph, on the other hand, seemed reluctant to let the night end so they turned on one of their many game consoles and played some old school Street Fighter.

Leo had taken the time to clean up, watching as Splinter made himself one last pot of tea before retiring to his room. The old rat felt his eldest son’s eyes on him, and turned to look at him as Leo threw away pizza crusts and brought the dishes to the sink to be cleaned in the morning. There was a moment of silence before Splinter turned back to his tea.

“Would you like to join me for a cup, Leonardo?” Splinter quietly inquired. Even as his father had asked, two tea cups were already placed on the tray, which gave the indication that the question was really a request in disguise. Leo nodded his assent anyway, despite his father not really giving him a choice in the matter and took the tray once the tea kettle was placed on it and moved into Splinter’s room.

The room was dark due to its lack of use that day and they took the time to light the many candles that Splinter had placed about his room before settling themselves next the tea table that Don and Leo had refurbished for their master. Leonardo set up the tea for them both, doctoring each cup to their preferences before sitting down and waited for his master to start the discussion. Leo knew that he may be forced to wait an extended period of time, depending on the topic that Splinter wished to discuss, but he found he didn’t mind it one bit.

There has been many a time when he found himself face to face with Splinter in an occasion such as this, sharing troubles and tea. Leo would talk about the progress report from patrols, or Splinter would give some sage advice that would aid him with his leadership, or perhaps just to share a story or two that he knew his eldest son would appreciate. Leo got praised, reprimanded, confused, torn down, and put back together in this room, and the memories of his father in a room like this, whether it was in their old homes or in new, was interwoven in with the soft light of the candles and the smell of incense. His anxieties of earlier that had been beaten back by the much needed family time, but had started to rear its ugly head as soon as his family had dissipated. Being there in his father’s sanctuary, though, waiting for his father to speak had surprisingly not allowed those feelings to grow. In fact, he was becoming soothed again, even though he knew that this conversation would not be that relaxing.  

So Leo had no problem sitting with his legs crossed, sipping the sweet tea as he watched his father drink his own tea and contemplate what he had wanted to address his son. After a few moments of silences and drinking, it appeared Splinter finally came to a conclusion. He placed both hands around the warm cup and peered over it at his son, the candle light making his eyes appear much brighter than his years let on.

“I fear,” Splinter finally said, his voice careful not to carry too far, “that our moment of reprieve has come to an end. A storm is coming, and it will hit shore much sooner than any of us can anticipate.”

Leo straightened his shoulders in attention. Splinter uses the storm analogy when he knew that a battle or hardship was destined to break out. An anxious bubble threatened to erupt from his stomach, but the tea and the atmosphere was still working its magic and he fought it down with ease.

“You can sense that?” Leo stated, carefully trying to not reveal anything. “Have you seen something while meditating, Master?”

Splinter continued to hold the cup in his hands, though he made no move to put it anywhere closer to his mouth. If Leo hadn’t known better, he would have thought his father was using as a shield, a barrier between him and his son, as if he felt he needed something to protect his son, or himself, from something. He has only seen true fear from his father so few times in his life, and these didn’t seem to be the right place for that emotion to show.

“No,” Splinter said, staring at his son with intent now. “I see it brewing in your eyes. I see the turmoil of waves crashing in your mind all week, and they are now just reaching their peak. You are battling a decision, and it has shaken you to the very core.”

Leo kept his breathing even, because he had anticipated, hadn’t he? That Splinter would know the goings-on in his mind. His father, at so many times in their life, had appeared all-seeing and all-knowing and knew it was futile to hide anything completely from the ninja master. Leo was a skilled warrior in his own right, though, who had studied under that same ninja master. He had almost complete control over his body and mind, and knew that he could keep his father out of his thoughts for an extended period of time. The best thing for Leo to do is to feed his father a little of the truth, and only the truth. He could present no falsities or they would be snuffed out in an instance and the attack on Leo’s mind would surely fall to the superior-minded mutant. Splinter was a fair master, he would take what was given to him without pushing too far, even if he could sense that there was more to the story, if the teller felt they had good reason to not disclose everything and argued their case efficiently enough. Splinter had been lenient in the past, Leo only hoped he would still be lenient now.

Splinter sat silently, gazing upon his son and Leo knew that the ball was truly in his court now. That this was the time to start speaking before Splinter did it for him.

“You’re right, Master Splinter. I been battling with… a decision, one that I need to make to ensure our safety.” It was a fine line he had to walk. He couldn’t say too much, as to not jeopardize his mission, and he knew Splinter would not let him get away from saying too little. So he leaned over slightly and looked his Sensei in the eyes. “But I have to ask you this question: How far are you willing to go to protect us?”

The question seemed to stop Splinter short. His ears were pinned back by both the question and the seriousness of his son’s tone. This was not a throwaway question, a diversion to keep him off track. Leo seriously wanted to know how far his father would go if it meant the safety of his sons. The rat sat in silence, contemplating both the question and the possible reasons that this had come up. Finally, after a few moments, Splinter looked at his son and answered him.

“Everything in my power.”

Leo looked at him, taking in the answer and accepting it, but chose to continue on.

“Even if it meant your death?”

There was no hesitation this time.

“Yes,” Splinter said simply and honestly. There was no qualifications or reasons behind them. Those, Leo felt, didn’t need to be said. It was evident in the way he had adopted them as loud and messy infants on his own, without any other reason but basic compassion. It was the way Splinter had taught them to protect themselves. It was the way he looked at them and called them, “my sons,” and had asked for nothing in return.

It was the answer Leo was looking for. That simple admission that his father was willing to die to protect them was calming balm he needed to quiet most of the nerves he had experienced in this past week. It had always been understood, and had been shown physically throughout their life how much their father was willing to sacrifice for them, but to hear it verbally, it meant something more to him, somehow more real. His father’s admission gave him the courage to continue. It justified his own reasoning, for his father’s beliefs were the same as his own.

“The Foot are planning something,” Leo states. Keep it simple, keep it vague. “Karai still places the blame of what has happened to her master on us, and we both know she will stop at nothing until that debt is paid.”

Splinter listen intensely and his eyes darkened at Karai’s name. “Yes,” Splinter said darkly, “I remember well what lengths she will go to get her vengeance.”

Leo knew his father was thinking of the attack on their last lair, where his family had gotten split up in hopes to escape certain death, where Splinter had been holed up in an old warehouse on the docks with Donatello, both injured and filled with fear for themselves and the rest of their family. They had spent many days in isolation, not knowing the fate of their sons and brothers, no way of telling if Leo would have fallen in the same trap as they had.

“But I believe I’ve found a way to end this feud, once and for all.” Simple. Vague. “If I can get this done, we will never have to worry about Karai, or the Foot, ever again.”

Leo knew he sounded certain and confident, and while he was mostly those things, he would have still forced himself to sound like that in front of his father. He couldn’t bear to appear anything but sure of this if he wanted his father’s approval, even if Master Splinter wouldn’t know the extent of his plan.  

Splinter looked at him, scrutinizing him in that intense way he does when he was trying to read his sons for their sincerity in an apology. He remained silent for a few moments and Leo kept calm and collected, determined that his father would not find any weakness.

Finally, Splinter spoke. “You are sure of this plan?”

“Yes.”

“And you will not be including your brothers.”

It wasn’t a question. So, his father had caught the first-person singular pronoun.

“No, I will not.” Simple.

“And it will be happening soon.” Another non-question.

“Soon,” Leo echoed. Vague.

“You seem confident this will work.” Splinter looked at him, the intensity of the stare would have felled a weaker man, but Leo wasn’t weak and he wasn’t a man.

Leo simply nodded. His father kept his gaze steady and they just stared at each other. Youthful eyes peering into wizened ones, trying to gage each other’s thoughts. Leo kept both his thoughts and his mind clear of any doubt and fear he may have felt, only putting forth the love, faith, and determination he felt about what was to transpire.

“And yet, you still seek my blessing.”

That comment had caused Leo to almost jump from shock. Of course he would seek his father’s blessing! He trusted his father in all things, even if he found he could not include his father in the plan in its entirety. That was for his own protection, wasn’t it? He hadn’t wanted any of his family to risk something that he had been put in charge of, their lives. It was his burden as leader to carry out this plan, and his alone. Leo knew he could not leave the lair tomorrow without one last talk with his master. To do so, he thought, would lack honor.

Before Leo could say anything, Splinter placed his tea down and continued.

“You could have simply slipped out and performed the task you believe will stop the Foot, without saying a word. Instead, you choose to tell me, in very few words, a warning of what is to come. You risk your plan from not happening by bringing it to my attention. I could simply say no, I do not allow you go through with whatever plan you have set forth, because I know it is dangerous. I know, without you telling me, that there is a chance that you will not return to me.”

There was something dark that flashed through Splinter’s eyes that left Leo feeling raw. It was sadness and pain, something he had hoped to never cause his father. They all knew the possibilities that every time they left the lair (and sometimes they didn’t even have to leave the threshold) that they one or all of them wouldn’t return. The life as a ninja, the life of a _mutant_ , was not an easy one. To see that possibility in the eyes of a loved one was still an excruciating thing to experience.

Leo found he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. There were so many words that want to come out, of reassurance and reasons of hope, but he was struck dumb. The sadness in Splinter’s eyes dissipated, though, and the look that was now bestowed upon the eldest turtle was of fondness and slight amusement.

“It has been a long time since you have needed my blessing over your actions, my son. When I made you leader of this clan that was my indication that you no longer needed my permission to do what you believe is necessary when it came to this family. I am merely an advisory board, someone you can come to in time of need gain knowledge and wisdom to do what you need to get done to aid in the survival of you and your brothers.” Splinter’s smile was gentle, already well aware of his eldest son’s argument. “It pleases me, that you still come to me for guidance and still take what I think account when you make your decisions, but it is no longer required for you to do so. You may be thought of as a teenager in the world above based on the number of years you have walked on this earth, but I no longer view you as such. To me, you are men, not the little boys I used to care for. You have faced adult responsibilities for years, and I must show you the respect that in which you all have already earned.”

Leo found himself staring at his knees, unable to handle the warmth and pride radiating from his father’s eyes. There was a part of him, that little boy Splinter had mentioned that had always resided in him, and perhaps always will, that had so sought his father’s approval and recognition. That part was now doing back flips in his stomach and brought heat to his cheeks with the simple pleasure that he knew he had his father’s faith in him.

“But it is not a blessing in which you are truly in search for.”

Leo’s head whipped up so fast he heard his neck crack. He ignored the pain that was emitted from the top of his spine to gawk at his father. The same smile was evident on Splinter’s face, warm and nostalgic.

“You seek forgiveness, for the actions you must do to protect your family. You seek forgiveness for keeping your family in the dark for their own protection. You seek forgiveness for taking the burden that is leadership, something that is at both selfish and selfless, and making a decision that will affect everyone.”

The air in his father’s room became non-existent. He couldn’t breathe in an ounce of oxygen he knew his body needed to survive, but that seemed of little importance in compared to what his father had just spoken. That. That was just…

“Yes.” The precious air escaped his lungs just long enough for him to utter that simple word. Yes, he wanted forgiveness, he wanted redemption for the actions he had already set in motion and the actions he had yet to do. He wanted his family’s love and understanding. If this worked, if he could really walk into Karai’s stronghold and defeat her, he wanted to be welcomed home, he wanted them to forgive him for walking to his death and coming back with freedom for them all. He wanted them to stand over his grave, if he did lose, and say they bore no hard feelings, that they understood that he had done what he had done out of love and obligation, and not see it as an abandonment. “Yes.”

Leo’s eyes were unseeing, blinded by the possibilities that could happen tomorrow, so he was startled when he felt his father’s warm paws brush against his face, handing out comfort as easily as he had done when he had been a child.

“The forgiveness you seek from me is given, my son.” Splinter’s voice was soft, but it rang throughout Leo’s head like a snare drum. “I know your heart, Leonardo, as well as I know your face. I know it will guide you into making the best possible decision and I cannot fault you for following your heart, especially since it is so intertwined with your family.”

Leo’s heart swelled, and he felt tears come to the corner of his eyes. He refused to allow them to fall, still, despite it all, not wanting to show any weakness, even in front of his father. His forgiving father. So he shut his eyes and squeezed them tight until the sensation disappeared, gritting his teeth to help. But he kept his eyes closed, soaking in the warmth of his father’s hand, which hadn’t moved an inch while his son struggled with his emotions.

“But,” Splinter continued, his voice still ever so soft. “You know I cannot promise your brother’s forgiveness.” There was regret in Splinter’s voice, and Leo knew it well. “If you leave them out of what you are planning, it is not just their pride that will be hurt, but also their trust in you. You must remember that.”

Leo was well aware the price he was going to pay with his actions. He had known from the beginning that he not only risked his life, but his family’s faith in him as well. Leo counted on his family for so many things, whether it was protection or his own sanity. To lose that trust, well, the mere thought took his breath away. If he did not have his family’s trust, he did not know what he could do. He had long ago decided that his family’s lives were worth any price he had to pay.

“I understand, Master Splinter,” Leo said as soon as his breath was returned to him. “And please know, that I will do anything in my power to gain it back.” If he came back, he’d spend hours and hours on his knees before his brothers. He’d crawl over red-hot coals, drive shards of glass into the palms of his hands, stare into the darkest corner of the universe without relief, and he’d beg for more, just to gain his family’s love and acceptance back. “I promise.”

The smile was exceedingly gentle on Splinter’s face, as if he were trying to reassure Leo instead of the other way around.

“I know, my son.” Splinter finally let his hands fall from his son’s head and sat back, knowing the emotions that were wreaking havoc on his son’s composer. He allowed a few moments of silence to pass between them before he spoke again. “There is only two things I would advise you on, if you will listen to your old master.”

The words and the tone was meant to bring humor to the situation after such a heavy conversation, and while Splinter had partially succeeded in his endeavor, Leo knew that the advice he was about to be given would be sage.

“While I know your intentions are true,” Splinter said, “Remember that old proverb about good intentions and the road to hell. I want you to reflect, before you put your plan into action, that the reason you are doing this, putting so much risk on yourself and ultimately your place in this family, are the right ones.”

Leo blinked at that. Of course he was doing it for the right reason. If it meant keeping his family safe forever from the Foot, it would always be the right reason.

“Also,” Splinter said, before the turtle could reply, “I want you to look at yourself, and see how you see yourself when you made it.”

If Splinter’s first advice had been confusing, it was nothing compared with his last one. Look to himself for what? What did he mean to see himself?

Leo knew not to question his father. The riddle is a part of the advising process, and it was a lesson he would have to learn for himself. So Leo bowed to his master, as a sign of both respect and understanding. Splinter nodded at him and picked his tea back up and took a sip. It was cool now, much cooler than he usually liked it, but he didn’t appear to mind. Leo picked up his own tea and found he didn’t mind the coolness of the tea, for his insides were still warm from their conversation. The fire that his father had built in him with his words of comfort and faith was something he knew would burn bright in him for the rest of his life, whether it was tomorrow or for a hundred years. They sat in silence the remaining of Leo’s visit, both taking comfort in each other’s presence for what may be the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure hope Splinter doesn’t appear OOC. I believe that Splinter has an enormous amount of trust in his sons when it comes to their family’s safety, Leo most of all. Otherwise, he would have never given Leo the leader title and would never allow his sons to go anywhere. He’s a ninja master, he knows sacrifices are to be expected, and while he is their father, it was a role he grew into, not something that he naturally did like ninjutsu (from, y’know, watching Hamato Yoshi do it.) Right then, in that room, when everyone is safe and happy, he’s thinking like a ninja master, not so much as a father. The latter part of him will come out much later in the next story. 
> 
> So the next chapter will be a dozy, and I sure hope you guys stay around to read it. Seriously, that scene has been in my mind for ages and the backbone for the whole piece. Enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Five For Fighting.


	11. Chapter 10 - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo meditates before his battle, but one of his brothers give him one last surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say but enjoy… only one more chapter until the end of this part. And that chapters 6 through 8 have been edited.
> 
> EDIT 3/17/2015: Beta'd

Chapter 10 – I Will Follow You Into The Dark

-o-

“Because brothers don’t let each other wander in the dark alone.”   
\- **Jolene Perry**

-o-

Leonardo had always felt nervous right before a planned battle. It was so rare that they get to choose a time or place for a fight, so it wasn’t a feeling he felt often. Usually, it’s spontaneous. Granted they usually go out looking for trouble, in their own way, when they go out patrolling, but that doesn’t mean they can always anticipate it coming at them. When they are taken unawares, or happen upon a situation that called for a fight, things happen too quickly for him to feel anything. His concentration is on what is going on around him, not within him. Normally Leo hated this feeling, he knew it was normal to feel this way, the anticipation and worry of what could go wrong would run his nerves raw. This time, he reveled in them because he still had them. Leo was feeling the effects of his possible death approaching. It’s funny, how the prospect of dying starts to change how he experienced the world. The colors seemed brighter, the smells sweeter. His heart beat a strong tempo inside his plastron, as if it wanted to make sure its owner knew it was still there, that it was still working, and it still wanted to for years to come.

He knew it was counterproductive to start getting hung up on the very real possibility of his death, especially when he really didn’t want to die. But Death comes to all things, whether it’s wanted or not. He wanted to go into this battle not expecting death, that way when it came, he would be more inclined to fight it tooth and nail.

Leo had been in the dojo for the past hour, trying to clear his thoughts before heading out. He still had a few hours before he was set to meet up at Saki Enterprises, but he felt he needed all the time he could to get his head straight and make sure his nerves were under control.

The dojo was dark except for some candles he had set up near him, trying to keep the mood as muted as possible. He could have easily done the same thing in his room, where it would be quieter and less likely to be interrupted, but it had been a strategic move to choose this part of the lair because it was conveniently close to the entrance. It would almost no trouble to sneak out without any of his family seeing him. 

He had been so lucky to have gotten this far without any real suspension from his family, he didn’t want to jinx it. Splinter knew, of course, that something was going to happen, and happen soon, but Leo had been careful to leave out any pertinent information. By now at this late hour, his father was in his room, participating in his own meditation. If Leo could escape into the astral plane that night, Leo would have to be sure to steer clear of his father. Leo may be able to hold back all of his thoughts in this world, but his father was a master in the otherworldly sense, too. 

Escaping this world had been proving difficult for him, though he is not surprised. There were so many emotions and thoughts running through him, he was surprised he was even able to sit still. Perhaps it was the years of sitting in a dojo much like this one, in front of a father who was strict in discipline and a son who was so desperate to be just like his father that he trained his jittery muscles to sit still for prolonged periods of time. Or, maybe it was his body’s refusal to move, ready to mutiny against its master to stop what was about to occur. 

Oh, yes. His body had never felt more alive than right there in that moment and Leo honestly couldn’t blame it for not wanting to continue what his duty called of him. Leo knew he was as ready as he ever could be. He had been trained his whole life for this moment, to defeat a great enemy to his family. He had been trained under two of the best ninjutsu masters in this world, fighting besides the best turtles he was proud to call his brothers, and what did Karai have? The honor of a broken master and corrupt alien, who trained her with hate and viciousness, but not the same strength that Leo had grown into. It would be a tough battle, but Leo knew he could prevail. If he didn’t, well… He had seventeen years to make memories and the past week to say his version of goodbyes, and he would have ensured his family’s safety from the Foot with his passing. He would leave this world with no regret. Well, with a little regret. This past week had been wonderful, the way he was able to connect with his brothers one last time would be something he would cherish. He could have spent his time training and meditating, but he could never call hanging out with his brothers a waste of time. The single regret was that he had not spent more time with his quietest brother. Their time that week was short, and half of it was filled with hurt feelings and hostility, which was very surprising coming from the more peaceable turtle, but everyone has their limits. Leo realized it was just bad timing and he had been partially to blame in causing his brother’s behavior towards him recently. He was still sadden, though, at the possibility that his brother’s last personal interaction with him was when he had felt he was being overbearing rather than the intended protecting.  

While he wasn’t sure what he would have done differently, Leo just knew that that was not the impression he had wanted to leave his brother. He wanted him to remember his love not his flaw in being controlling. Don said he had understood, but never really gave him forgiveness. Even though Leo would have still done it, the checking on his brother, the trip to hell and back, everything, he would have still liked his brother’s clemency. 

A soft knock suddenly disrupted the quietness of the dojo and his thought process. He hadn’t realized anyone had been aware he was in the dojo, thought it shouldn’t shock him. If he was alone, it was either in his room or the dojo.

“Come in,” he said after a moment when the door didn’t open immediately after the knock. The shoji screen door opened slightly, and the silhouette of a turtle, caused by the dimness of the dojo and the brightness from behind him, carrying a tray of tea appeared. Leo couldn’t tell who it was until his brother came into the dojo and closed the door behind him with his foot. There stood Donatello, his hands full with the tray, smiling sheepishly at Leo.

Speak of the devil, Leo thought before greeting his brother. “Donnie, how can I help you?”

“Actually,” Don spoke, his voice are as soft as his features in the low light. “I was hoping I could help you.”

Don moved closer and placed tea tray on the ground right in front of Leo and sat down opposite of him. “I saw you come in here earlier and thought maybe you’d want some tea.”

Leo stared at his brother, who actually appeared calmer, more collected, more like himself, than he had in the past few months, since before the outbreak, since before Leo left for training. A small spark of hope lit in Leo’s heart, wondering if he could finally have that moment he had been searching for.

“Yes, Don,” Leo said, his voice equally soft, “I would love some.”

Don’s smile looked to be filled with relief and Leo couldn’t help but mimic it. He watched as his brother poured the tea into a cup and served it to him. Leo accepted it gladly, and took a grateful sip. Jasmine. His favorite. He noted that Don had poured none for himself, but that was not at all unusual. Everyone knew Don’s preferred choice of beverage was coffee and had drank enough every day to probably be called an addict. There was silence as Leo took another sip and Don looked on, now looking slightly nervous. Don was like him, and he was usually able to keep his emotions in check, but Don had a tell. He would bite his lip slightly, just a little bit of skin would come between his teeth and he’d then run his tongue over the spot after he let go. 

Finally, Don seemed to have gathered the courage to speak. “I wanted to apologize.”

Leo blinked at that. “What for?”

Don dipped his head slightly, not meeting his brother’s eyes. “I’ve been a real jerk lately, especially to you. I just, I mean, I was just so busy with all these projects. I’ve fallen way behind because of, um, what had happened and I still feel like I haven’t caught up. And I’m just so frustrated with it all, and you guys have been great with all of it, really. I appreciate everything you guys did during and after- It.” 

Leo wasn’t surprised by Don’s reluctance to name what had happened to him. He knew that his brother had been deeply upset that he hadn’t caught on what was happening to him until it was way too late. He had heard Don complain about it, about how he was supposed to be the smart one. To ignore the signs of the new mutation was unacceptable in his eyes. Perhaps that was why he did not like how his brothers were so caring and overprotective of him afterwards. He felt like he didn’t deserve the trouble his family went through, nor the attention they had bestowed upon him. 

“I know I’ve been brushing you off lately,” Don continued, looking shamed faced. “I’m sorry for that. You’ve done nothing but try to help me and I was a complete jerk to you.” Don looked up then and sought his brother’s eyes. “Will you forgive me?”

“Of course.” Leo didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll always forgive you, Donnie.”

There was a little sadness in Don’s eyes, but it was also filled with hope. “Always?”

Leo gave him an encouraging grin. “Always,” he said, reaching over and gripped Don’s left hand, which was resting on his crossed knees, initiating a contact that Leo hadn’t realized he had needed. Don squeezed back in appreciation. They held it a moment before Don let go and Leo took his hand back. Leo kept his eyes on his brother’s own, finding the courage to ask for his own clemency. “Do you forgive me, then, for only trying to do what’s best for you?”

Leo had to know, had to hear it, otherwise felt it as all lost. 

Don’s smile was warm and full of mercy. “Of course, big brother. I know you only have our intentions in mind when you do things like this. We know how much you care for us. We just don’t always appreciate it as much as we should.” The last as said with a half-laugh, though no less true. “I know you would give your life for us, and I want you to know we appreciate it.”

Don’s eyes were slightly watery when he said that and Leo choked up at that, though he swallowed thickly to hide it. 

“Thanks, Don,” Leo finally said after a few moments, sitting back slightly and taking in his brother’s visage. His brother looked a little relieved, and a bit pleased. He still looked tired, but it was rare to see him well-rested as of late, but the tension was almost complete erased from his olive shoulders and he looked at peace. He nodded at what he saw and took another, long sip of tea. 

Leo hadn’t felt this relaxed all week, since before Karai’s letter came into his possession. He knew it had to be the combination of the atmosphere, the tea, and the company that helped him and he couldn’t think of a better way to spend his time before his duel. They stayed in relative silence with Leo drinking his tea and Don just looking at him, his face looking peaceful. Suddenly, Don looked down at his watch, which was hidden under his wrist guards.

“So, is it almost time?”

The words didn’t register immediately with Leo. He was still feeling the tranquility of the moment. As he lowered his tea after he had taken another sip, the words finally caught up with his brain and he stopped moving. Stopped breathing.

“What?” He couldn’t control the confusion and fear that had crept into his voice because those same emotions were now flooding his mind. His tea was held in midair, and he was sure he looked ridiculous, but that was the very least of his worries. Don couldn’t know. Of course Don didn’t know. Don just couldn’t know because…

Don looked into his brother’s eyes. They had lost that soft look of earlier, the one filled with forgiveness and apology. They were hard as rocks now and Leo felt a chill run down his spine. 

If Donnie knew, everything was lost.

“I know,” Don stated simply. Leo hadn’t move a muscle except to blink at his brothers. 

Leo didn’t believe him. Couldn’t believe him. He had been careful, so very careful. He may be surrounded by sneaky ninjas, but so was he. So was he. So that meant Don doesn’t know.

“Know what?” Maybe Don was fishing. Don had to be just fishing, right? Leo could stop that fishing expedition, hard and fast. Denial, denial, denial.

“Leo.” Don’s voice was as equally hard as his eyes. The brown eyes in front of him were filled with every ounce of determination that Don could muster, and considering Don had that in abundance, enough for him to keep up with his stronger, more skilled, or more natural brothers when it came to ninjutsu, that was saying a lot right there. “I. Know.”

Leo’s heart had picked up its pace, his breathing became harder and his mouth became drier, despite the wetness of the tea, which was still in his hand halfway between his mouth and the tray. He finally found the strength to lower the cup and stare straight on. Leo had never been afraid of confrontation in his life, he wasn’t about to start now.

“What do you know, Donnie?” Leo asked him, surprised by the quietness of his voice. He was expecting to have shouted, an automatic response to be able to hear himself over the rush of blood in his ears. He wasn’t willing to give up the game of denial until he was well and truly beaten.

It appeared Don was finished with playing the game.

“I know about the meeting with Karai at Saki Tower tonight,” Don said, having decided it was endgame. “I know she wants to have a battle to the death. I know the terms of the agreement. I know that you’ve been trying to say goodbye all week in preparation. I know everything, Leo.”

Leo stayed silent, for there were no words he could speak. His mind was just running rapid, his thoughts jumbled with so many emotions and thoughts, his head feeling light from fear, but the thing that came out the clearest was one panicked thought: Don knows. Don knows. Don knows.

“The only thing I don’t know is,” Don continued, “Why?”

Why? If Don knows what he’s going to do, then he has to know why.

“You know why.” Leo knew he couldn’t hide it now. There was no point. Don was far from stupid, playing that way would only insult his intelligence and he could already tell that Don was past being pissed. He didn’t need to add more fuel to the fire. “Karai is going to kill you if I don’t meet her. She’s going to kill all of you.”

There was a rumble that started his Don’s chest. At first Leo thought his brother was coughing until the laughter burst from his lips. It was a good, hard chuckle that brought no merriment to the occasion. In fact, it only caused that chill that ran down Leo’s spine a few moments ago to intensify. It wasn’t a laugh he ever wanted to hear from his gentle brother ever again. It was a mixture of pain and madness and made Donnie seem unhinged. 

“Karai is _always_ trying to kill us!” Donnie said with derision. “In case you forgot, she busted down our front door to kill us, Leo. Like father, like daughter. She’ll stop at nothing to avenge her father. And you are just going to walk into her evil lair and let her.”

“I’m not going in unprepared, Don!” Leo said, cutting into his brother’s rant. “Besides, Karai promised on her honor to-“

“Her _honor_? Where was her honor when her father was trying to kill us on the Utrom ship? Where was her honor when she broke into our home to kill us? Where was her _honor_ when she had her goons set a trap for Master Splinter and me, and ordered our sub blown to smithereens? She couldn’t even do it herself! She delegated the task to her cronies! Karai isn’t honor-bound, she’s vengeance-bound! She’s not going to keep her end of the bargain! She’s going to kill us as soon as she’s finished with you!”

“No!” This was what Leo had been afraid of. That his brothers wouldn’t believe the authenticity of Karai’s deal. Leo knew her, much better than she knew herself. “No, she gave me her word-“

“This is a suicide mission!” Don yelled. 

Leo hesitated. He knew possibilities going into this, that he would not survive their duel. It actually hurt a little at his brother’s lack of faith.

“You know perfectly well that I’m a match for her,” Leo said, his voice a little cold. “I have a higher probability of winning, even. I have had better training than she’s received.”

Don gave him a look that was reminiscent of their childhood, when Don would say something in his geek speak and one or more of his brothers told him to explain himself (“In English, Donnie!”). It had always made Leo feel stupid for even trying to breathe in the presence of his genius. 

“If you are going at it one-on-one, yeah,” Don said with thinly veiled impatience. “But she’s not going to just let you beat _her_. She has scores of Foot at her beck-and-call, not to mention her Elite. This won’t be a fair fight. You walk into that tower, you only have a 0.68% chance of getting out of there alive and that’s only if you jump out the window before any of them catch you!”

There was no way Leo could argue with Don when it came to math. His little brother had been doing long division while the rest of them were still counting on their fingers. His mind could run laps around them all without breaking a sweat and still get in five theories before breakfast. Leo knew that they had beaten some pretty impossible odds before, however, so why not now?

“I can do this,” Leonardo stated. “You _know_ I can do it.”

Don didn’t look the least bit convinced. “Yeah?” he asked, crossing his arms across his plastron. “Then why have you spent the whole week trying to tell us goodbye?”

Leo flinched at the venom in the other turtle’s voice, and it sounded just as wrong as that laugh earlier. It made his body feel achy and heavy at the wrongness. 

“If you _know_ you could do it, why the hell were you going around fulfilling some stupid bucket list?”

“Because death is inevitable.” It wasn’t something he should have to say to his brother, especially not this one. Don had been their medic since before their first battle, he understood more than any of them the limitations of the turtle body and life in general. “I wanted to leave you all something, just in case.”

“And you think some kind words or gesture is going to make up the fact that you are _gone_? If you cease to exist, Leo, it won’t be the kind words we’ll remember. We’ll just remembered that you decided to run off and get yourself killed!”

“And what the heck did you want me to do? Just leave as soon as I got the note? Not give you one last memory of me?”

“I wanted you to tell us what was going on!” Don placed his hands on either side of the tea tray and leaned over it, getting in his older brother’s face. Leo was surprised that neither of them got up at some point in this argument. The katana wielding turtle knew he didn’t feel like getting up anytime soon. He felt so heavy from all the emotion and turmoil about. “I wanted you to come to us and ask for help! Why didn’t you just come to us?”

“Because you wouldn’t have let me go,” Leo seethed. “You would have done everything in your power to stop me!”

“Damn right I would!” Don growled out, staring into Leo’s eyes, his eyes were burning with rage. “I would have tied you up until you couldn’t move and then slap you silly for even thinking about this! Then we would have come up with a plan to take out the Foot once and for all to eliminate the threat. We’d do exactly what Karai had promised us, but we would do it on our terms, not hers!”

In hindsight, it did sound like a good plan. No doubt he had wanted his family’s advice throughout this whole process, but he had chosen to keep them in the dark for a reason. A plan involving them all would have still put them all in danger. Leo’s way limited the casualties. Besides, it was too late to back out now.

“I did what I had to do for my family,” he said, his voice filled with purpose. “I told you that I would never apologize for that.”

Something in Donnie broke. The hard exterior he had maintained for most of their argument broke and the lost little turtle who had been fearful that the sewer workers would come and take him away from his family. That had been Don’s fear growing up, in a lair not as heavily guarded and protected as their more recent ones. It was still the driving force in why Don had been so adamant in continuously updating their security system, though it wasn’t sewer workers who haunted his dreams anymore. 

Don sat back at his brother’s words, his face cloudy with feelings. Leo just stared at him, trying to read all the emotions that were flashing through his eyes, but they passed far too quickly for him to pinpoint any of them.

He let silence reign for a moment, trying to see if it would cool their flaring tempers before either did anything they would come to regret. Leo was starting to feel a little queasy. They had just had a shouting match and no one had come in.

“Have you told the others?” Leo inquires, wondering if his other brothers were outside listening, waiting for a cue from Don before putting in their own two cents.

Don, who had by then lowered his eyes to the tea tray, shook his head.

Okay. “Are you planning on telling them?” 

“No,” Don’s words were impossibly soft, at least compared to the shouts he let out earlier. “No, I’m not going to tell them anything.”

He sounded funny, as if he was drifting away. So Leo pushed further, because he needed to know before he left.

“Are you planning on stopping me?”

Finally, a reaction from Don that didn’t remind Leo of a zombie. Don raised his head and gave a warm smile, a complete contrast to his hard look earlier.

“I already have.” His voice was sweet, like he had just finished a project and was immensely proud of it. 

Leo didn’t understand. Don was just sitting there, staring at him with that goofy smile on his face. How had he already stopped him? He didn’t want to knock Don’s ninjutsu skills, but Leo knew he could best his brother and be on his way before Don could warn the others. How in the world did he expect to stop him? He watched his brother as he lowered his hand and used a finger to run it along the rim of his tea cup. Then Leo knew. The lightheadedness, the heavy limbs, the nausea. 

Don had drugged him.

“No.” The word could barely get out of his throat now that he was aware of the effects whatever Don had put in him. 

“Jasmine tea is very sweet,” Don said conversationally, as if he hadn’t just drugged his own brother. “It could easily mask any bitter sedatives I could have given you. But phenobarbital is tasteless and odorless. I knew even your keen senses wouldn’t have been able to taste it.”

“Don, no.” Leo tried hard to move his arm but they were like lead now and he was starting to slip sideways, but he tried very hard to stay upright. “If I don’t show, Donnie, she’ll kill y’.” He was starting to slur. “Sh’ll ki’ you all.”

“I know, Leo.” The manic look was completely gone from his face now, and it was only his gentle brother that remained. “I have it taken care of.”

“Watchu ‘ean?” Leo’s world started to grow dark and he felt himself pitching forward. Having expected to crash into the tea set that was now directly beneath him, he was pleasantly surprised to feel his brother’s arms wrap around him and lower him to the side, away from both candles and tea cups. Don placed his hand against Leo’s face and palmed his cheek for a moment.

“You’ve taken such good care of us, big brother,” Don spoke and it sounded like he far away. Then Don removed his hand and Leo missed it instantly. It felt like Don had taken some of the warmth with him, but Leo hadn’t realized what had actually happened until he saw the fluttering of something blue in Don’s hands. Leo could barely see now, darkness was almost upon him but he could see enough to watch as Don took off his own mask and placed Leonardo’s in its place. 

The laying turtle let out a choked sob but could offer no other word or sound. His eyes finally betrayed him and closed, as Don leaned over once more and said, “Let me take care of you for once.”

And then Leo knew no more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, that was something wasn’t it? Did any of you guess it? I left some clues. We just have the epilogue left and then I’ll start posting the next part. It may be delayed maybe a week despite it actually already finished (yeah, I finished it yesterday.) I need to start editing and there are some rewrites. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song from the band Death Cab for Cutie.


	12. Epilogue - Falling Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. Leonardo awakens to a changed world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the warnings: This chapter contains off screen character deaths and a cliffhanger.
> 
> EDIT 3/17/2015: Beta'd.

Epilogue – Falling Awake

-o-

Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.   
\- **Susan Scarf Merrell**

-o-

_A gentle breeze rifled through the air, causing the branches of the tree above him to sway back and forth. He could feel the sunlight filter through the leaves, the beams going in and out of his eyes, but he didn’t seem to mind. At least not right now. He knew he had felt anxious before but couldn’t remember why, but the calm serenity he was feeling now made it seem unimportant. Meaningless._

_He watched the dancing leaves on the swaying branch and the peek-a-boo sun for what seemed like eternity, blissfully accepting the warmth and comfort they were providing. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this free and whole._

_Suddenly, a giggle interrupted the quietness of the meadow and he turned his head to his right and saw his brother laying a few feet away from him, his own head back and a butterfly on his nose. “Look, it landed right on me!”_

_His voice was young and joyful and it matched the eight-year-old body he resided in. He grinned at the laughing turtle, at the joy he was experiencing, and knew it had been a while he had been that happy, wasn’t it? Something had happen to make him dark and broody, but he couldn’t remember. But he was happy now, that’s all that matters. So he just watched as the butterfly tickle his brother’s nose, moving its tiny legs from his beak to the blue mask that rested on his head._

_“It’s so pretty,” his brother said. “I wish it could stay forever and ever!”_

_He chuckled and went back to watching the leaves, letting his fingers play with the purple mask tails that were laying on his shoulder. They were still swaying, only a bit faster now. Then all of a sudden, the wind started to pick up. He saw from the corner of his eyes he saw the butterfly leave his brother’s face and it flew off into the woods. The other turtle’s sigh of disappointment was drowned out by the now howling wind. The turtles lifted themselves up into a sitting position, both confused at the change of weather. The sky was growing darker and the leaves were starting to be ripped from the trees at the speed the wind was blowing._

_“What’s going on?” he asked. He had to shout to be heard over the elements. His brother shrugged but looked away from the woods. He could see Casey’s farmhouse not too far in the distance to their left, but the right was open and a growing darkness started to swallow it. He looked fearfully at it, knowing without really knowing that it was coming for him. “It’s gonna get us!”_

_His brother looked fearful at first, then determined. The wind was making the blue mask tails whip around him, slapping him in the face, but he just brushed it off and got up. He was having difficulties trying to stay standing and not allowing the wind to knock him down again, but after a few moments of struggling, he placed his feet apart, like he was getting ready to do a kata, and stood his ground._

_The standing turtle was motionless for a few moments as his brother watched, still low to the ground due to the gusts. Then the blue masked turtle leaned forward and grabbed a katana that he himself had just noticed and dragged it up. It was a regular sized katana and much too large for the eight-year-old, but the small turtle just gritted his teeth and lifted it up, ready for attack._

_“Wait!” he yelled out to him. “No, come back!”_

_His brother turned to him, a smile on his face despite the grimness that had settled upon them. “It’s my turn to be leader, Leo. You promised me.” He said it like it was a game, the blue mask tails were framing his face as he looked at his brother. “I get to take care of you now.”_

_“Donnie, no!” Leo shouted, but by then the howls were too loud to hear anything but them. He tried to get up but kept getting pushed down by the wind. So he could only watch helplessly as his tiny brother lugged the oversized sword to the darkened mass in the once open field._

_Abruptly, the sounds of the howling wind was joined by laughter, something sinister and wrong. It was in direct counterpoint to his brother’s earlier one. It sounded mechanical and feminine, and Leo knew who the black mass was, but it was too late to stop his brother._

_Far too late._

_“Donnie!”_

Leonardo wasn’t sure when became aware that he was awake. Darkness was still permeating his surroundings. He was warm and his body felt heavy. He just realized that he was laying down on something firm that wasn’t his bed and that he was slowly getting his thoughts to come together. He wasn’t accustomed to waking up like this. He had trained himself to be fully awake once sleep ended, so he could be prepared in case they had an attack or someone needed his immediate help.

Leo soon realized that the darkness was due to his eyes still being shut, and opening them turned into an ordeal all on its own. They were heavy and gritty and it took a while to adjust his sight because the area surrounding him were barely brighter than when they were closed.

He was in the dojo. He remembered he had went there to meditate. Had he fallen asleep? He must have, and some time had passed because the candles he remembered lighting were now much lower than before. Gaging by their current levels, several hours had passed. He felt a twinge in his gut that that thought. Wasn’t he supposed to be somewhere?

He lifted himself to where he was sitting up slightly and looked at his surroundings. He felt like he was missing something, or someone, but his mind was still foggy. His head still felt heavy, but his thoughts were becoming clearer. He saw nothing out of the ordinary around the dojo and thought that maybe he had just fallen asleep during meditation until he look down right in front of him. There laid a Bo staff, with purple wrappings around the middle of the wood to protect a fighter’s hands from calluses and splinters. It was Don’s Bo, for certain, and it laid directly across from him, as if it had been presented to him while he was asleep. It wasn’t odd for the weapon to be in the dojo, but it usually was picked up on the rack, not laying on the floor.

It was the other item that was laying perpendicular to it that really brought Leo up short. He reached out and touched the soft purple fabric. Donatello’s mask. It was a fairly new mask. Leo knew this because it had been him who had given it to his brother, having made him a new one soon after they had returned Don back to the lair after his mutation. April had given them the torn pieces of his previous one and it had been unsalvageable. Even in its newness, Leo could see the telltale signs of wear of a user who worked with machines and chemicals.  A tear here, a burn there, discoloration for where dirty hands had played with the tail ends. If he were to bring it up to his nose, he knew he would have smelled motor oil and his brother’s own unique scent.

He picked up the mask and then, suddenly, painfully, his memories returned to him and he let out a gasp.

Donatello giving him the tea. Donatello telling him he knew about his meeting with Karai. Donatello drugging him and…

Leo reached up to his face and felt the lack of mask upon it.

Oh, no…

Donatello knew what would happen if he didn’t show. Donatello had taken his mask. Donatello had…

Taken his place.

It was the only thing that made sense. Why else would Donnie take his mask if not to walk into Foot HQ masquerading as him? The idea was too insane to be true but Leo didn’t doubt that that was Don’s intention for a second. He had no time for second guesses now. He had to get the rest of his brothers and go after him.

Forget Karai and her stupid blood feud. Forget the possibility of a later attack. Don was going to do exactly what he accused Leo of doing. Donnie was on a suicidal mission.

It was all Leo’s fault.

That thought settled heavily upon his soul as he scrambled up, Don’s mask still in his right hand and grabbing the Bo with his left. He could still feel the aftereffects of the drug in his system, but he pushed through the grogginess and nausea. He reached the door of the dojo in two seconds flat and had forced himself to pause for a second to collect a breath. That, however, was proving to be difficult. Fear had created a vice-like grip around his chest and was squeezing hard. Leo finally opened the dojo door and stepped out, holding two of his brother’s most notable accessories to his appearance in his hands. He moved as quickly as he dared with his light head and queasy stomach to the main area of the lair.

The only people in the room are Raphael and Michelangelo, who were both settled in front of the entertainment center, watching a west coast college football game. It looked just like a typical Saturday night and it just made Leo’s stomach ache terribly. Because there was an empty spot on the sofa where Don usually sat. Their intelligent brother wasn’t much of a sports lover, but for reasons unbeknownst to most of them, he usually joined Raph when he watched football. Neither turtle looked back at him, their attention was fully focused on the Pac 12 conference game taking up all of the televisions. Leo knew he had to speak up, he had to speak up now, they had to go out now and stop-

A shellcell rang, making all three occupants jump at the sudden noise. Leo made to move his hand to his belt, ready to grab his own when he saw Raph had beat him to the punch, having grabbed his own shellcell and brought it up to his ear.

“Yo, Casey, what’s up?”

They didn’t have time for a social call, Leo thought.

“Guys,” Leo started to say, but Raph automatically shushes him, waving him away as he tried to listen to the phone.

“What? Casey?” Raph question, not even looking at his older brother as he jumped up from the couch. “Slow down, monkeybrains. I didn’t catch all that.”

“Raph,” Leo tried again, but Raph held out his hand this time, his face distorted in confusion.

“Wait, what do you mean it blew up? What station?”

That stopped Leo cold. An explosion? That dread feeling was fully settled in by now, his heart hammering. He turned to Mikey, whose hand was already on the remote and flipping towards the news station. He was getting closer to the single digits when Raph finally called out, “Six, Mike, turn it to six!”

Mikey did as he was requested and the three of them stared at the television screens as they were suddenly filled with smoke and debris. They were catching the local news anchor in mid-speech, but luckily, they seemed to realize that there were people just tuning in.

“-city officials reported that several people were calling in about an explosion in downtown Manhattan. If you are just joining us, we have word that a large tower that belonged to the late business tycoon Oroku Saki was just blown up about a half an hour ago. There isn’t much news as to what caused the explosion or why, but the early reports from fire and rescue are that there appear to be no survivors. We will get more inform-“

The rest of the broadcast was drowned out by a loud whoop of joy from both Mikey and Raph, who looked ecstatic at the news.

“Does this mean no Foot?” Mikey asked gleefully, having jumped on the couch in his excitement. “No Foot! No Foot!”

“Ha-ha!” Raph laughed gleefully. “Ding Dong the Witch is dead!” His eyes were a little manic, having finally felt a relief they hadn’t felt in such a long time. Mikey started singing The Wizard of Oz tune and Raph joined in.

They were so much in their merriment they didn’t notice the lone figure behind them, holding a purple mask and a Bo in his clenched fists. Leo stared down at the two offending objects, his heart felt none of the relief his brothers were experiencing, because he knew exactly who paid the price for their new found freedom.

At that moment, Leo vaguely recalled the dream he had had while in the dojo. What was it that Donnie had said?

_“I get to take care of you now.”_

And it looked like he kept that promise.

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking around this long. I know that some of you may be emotional, and possibly even mad at me (I’m a little mad at myself, to be honest.) But know I am not taking any of your concerns lightly. Debts Paid will tell the flip side of this, the first half of the story will be told from his point of view and how he came to the decision he did. All will be revealed. Feel free to PM if you feel like it. I take all inquiries seriously (except for trolls, which I’ll just distract until the sun comes up.) 
> 
> The chapter title comes from the song by Gary Jules.


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